Time as a commodity

“Nobody sees a flower - really - it is so small it takes time - we haven't time - and to see takes time, like to have a friend takes time.” -Georgia O’Keefe

In our everyday rushing lives time has become such a valuable commodity. We rush to and from work spending more and more time there. Work takes up a lot of those irreplaceable minutes. So many of the things we do are rushed. Microwave food, drive thru meals, 30 minute workouts, etc. We are obsessed with time and we’ve completely forgotten how to invest it as a commodity into something as important and rewarding as friendship. I read the other day that people have fewer close friends than they did even 20 years ago. Why?

It does take time to be a friend. Attention to the details that take time that cannot be replaced by anything. There really is no replacement other than taking the time with a person to become a friend. Perhaps this is the difference between a friend and an acquaintance. One of them is willing to take the time and know and remember the details, and the other simply either hasn’t had the opportunity or doesn’t want to. Isn’t it worth it though? I cannot think of a better resource in my life than my friends when I need support or love or listening to. I love that I can make my friends feel better or be there for them when they need me. It’s all about time and spending the time to be a friend, listen, learn and really examine the smallness and detail. It takes time.

It's not all about work. It just can't be.

place holder

I have a couple of really good blog posts at home, but well, I’m not at home. So, in lieu of something profound and interesting I’m going to post something I find amusing. On my work e-mail I have been getting a lot of spam and for whatever reason the program we use doesn’t have a very good filter. In fact I suspect the filter they have in place doesn’t even work just like the hyperlink button, “insert picture” and numbered list functions don’t work. ANYWAY… I get some funny spam. Most recently these are the “people” I have gotten spam from-

Kneeling C. Indignantly
Sudanese H. Tuneless
Takeoff A. Dispaired
Wrongheadedly A. Hosed
Freshet M. Dadaism
Maxflies T. Depravity

Personally my favorite is Wrongheadedly Hosed. O.K. That’s all. Thanks for reading my placemarker.

Happy Independence Day 

Independence Day thoughts

The celebration of Independence Day brings to mind parades, houses decorated with flags of all sizes, fireworks and barbeques. It is a day to remember the Founding Fathers of our great country and of all the men that followed in the beliefs that they risked life and limb to define and secure. These were all men that believed in the principles set forth in the Declaration of Independence and then later solidified in the Constitution of the United States. It’s easy to call them patriots.

The beauty of the country we live in is that the men and women that question the government when they believe it isn’t following the foundation set by the Founding Fathers is that we can also call them patriots. They are doing their duty as citizens to create an open society where debate is welcomed and even required. This Fourth of July I am reminded of one great patriot that did just this. Frederick Douglass is that man, and despite the issue he was speaking about being much different than the one we face today the words he spoke on that Independence Day so long ago still ring true.
“Go search where you will, roam through all the monarchies and despotisms of the Old World, travel through South America, search out every abuse and when you have found the last, lay your facts by the side of the everyday practices of this nation, and you will say with me that, for revolting barbarity and shameless hypocrisy, America reigns without a rival.” ~Frederick Douglass - July 4, 1852
On this Independence Day I am ashamed of the barbarity the Bush Administration has propelled our country into with its paranoid ideology that is full of lies and deceit. We are the hypocrites of the world when we say we are trying to spread democracy into countries like Iraq, Afghanistan, and throughout Central America. Yet in our very own country our phones, internet and bank records are secretly being watched by the government, when anyone who dares challenge the “thinking” of the current administration are called unpatriotic or worse “traitor”, and when women and mothers who have lost loved ones in this war of lies are ridiculed for publicly mourning and speaking out against what changed their lives forever. Yes, we are hypocrites and barbarians in our comfort and apathy for not holding our government true to the foundation that the very basis if this country was founded upon.
I love the principles that my country was founded upon. I admire the men and women who have risked and sometimes given everything to defend it- even the hard to swallow patriots that dissent. Thank you, Mr. Douglass, all these years later.

my garden

My fingernails are dirty. I have been working in one small bed of our garden. There is a gratification in knowing that I am doing the work and have a plan for each little section that our yard will eventually be divided into. I get much more satisfaction from this kind of domesticity than I do with knowing that my floors are sparkling or that all the laundry is done. It’s just a little work and a whole lot of stress relief.

It's not the germs. It's the people with the germs.

Let me start by saying that I am not anywhere close to being a germaphobe, OCD, neat freak. I don’t freak out if my kids give me a sticky kiss after being out playing and sweating all day. I don’t have some major breakdown if I have to touch the toilet seat to lower it or if there aren’t ridiculously thin toilet seat covers at a public bathroom. And yes, I do follow the 5 second rule when it comes to important foods like candy, etc. There is a level of germs that I think is healthy and to be expected. So, this post isn’t about all of that really, but all of that was to sort of give an idea of my comfort with germs.
That being said what in the hell is wrong with you nasty fucks that don’t wash your hands after using the bathroom? YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. Turn on the water, get a little soap and WASH.

OKTHXBYE

Mountains out of mole hills...not really

The world is a wonderful place. Here are a few tiny reasons why-

- My children love me and still let me give hugs and kisses without being embarrassed.
- THIS VIDEO is amazing and is a voice from the past saying something so dead on and applicable today. (thanks Abby and Mickey for sharing)
- A good friend of mine came to me because she needed a little boost. I was able to help.
- My boyfriend loves me completely.
- A couple of big projects at work have come together successfully and are just about done.
- I have a number of people that I really look up to in my life and am glad that I can call them friends.
- I am starting to work on a plan for our landscaping and I think it’s going to be a really amazing garden when it’s all said and done.

Maybe those aren’t exactly tiny reasons after all.

I've said it before...

but I'm going to say it again, because I'll be damned if it's not worth repeating.


READ THIS BLOG

Relationships are hard

Relationships are hard. Even relationships with “things” that we use everyday. The relationship that I constantly am challenged by is my relationship with money. My attempt to gain a strong and good relationship with money is not only fueled by my desire to be comfortable, but also by my desire to create a good start for my children so they don’t have the struggle learning the basics and beyond.
My earliest memory regarding money is one of immediacy and lack of. I think I was around 5. I was very young. My grandmother had mentioned that I needed a new coat at some point so the next time we were at the store I saw one I loved. Being the girl that I am I felt that I really needed this coat. My grandmother said that we couldn’t buy the coat because we didn’t have enough money right then. I was heartbroken. I begged and pleaded. I cried, but alas we didn’t get the coat. She said that we could come back and get the coat later. We did come back. She knew how much I wanted THAT coat. We went back as soon as she had money for it. The coat was gone. Since that day I remember thinking of how if I wanted something I needed to get it then or it would be gone. Obviously, money played a big factor in that disappointment and how I dealt with money. It was most definitely a defining event in my life.
After my divorce and freedom to guide my own finances the fear of things being gone if I didn’t get the immediately was added to with the fear that I wasn’t in control. I am afraid that my children have witnessed this “bad” relationship that I have and I’m sure it’s affected them in some way. My job as their mother is to fix that AND give them a positive idea and knowledge of dealing with money. I don’t want them to think of money as a way to gain “things” or feel the immediacy that lost left in me. I want them to think of money as a tool that they can use to gain wealth, secure their present and future, and of course to provide the things that they want in life.
There are a lot of pieces and parts to this puzzle. Earning money, taxes (yeah they have to learn this one don’t they?), saving, investing, credit, debt, etc. It’s a lot. It’s a whole lot and it seems that each of the parts has so many little pieces that it’s almost overwhelming. The advantage is that I have years. Years to explain to them all the various aspects as they grow and see me regain a good relationship with money. Years for them to experience the earning, taxes, savings, loans (because college isn’t free), etc. with me to at least give them some piece of whatever I’ve learned.
I realize now how important learning about money is. I wish I could have learned this lesson back when I was growing up, but I think it’s key that I’ve learned it at all.

Smokers will still go to bars...

July 1st a smoking ban hits the state of Colorado. Specifically-

“A law approved by the Legislature in March bans smoking in most public places but exempts casinos, cigar bars, the Denver International Airport smoking lounge and private workplaces with three or fewer employees.”

A lot of bar owners are up in the air and upset about this measure saying that it’s going to hurt their business. I beg to differ. I don’t go to certain pubs because of the smoke. I don’t like it. Now that they will be smoke free I will be going. A lot of people who don’t like smoky bars will now be able to go out and get a pint without having to deal with smoke in their faces. Also, the people who smoke at a bar are not there because they want to smoke. They are there because they want to drink. They can still grab a cigarette outside like they already have to at work, but they will still go and grab a beer after work or on the weekends.
In addition to this argument there are a LOT of other cities in the country that already have this ban that remarkably still have bars that are making money and successful. In fact it’s now up to 13 states that ban smoking and that doesn’t count the various cities in other states that have banned it.
This ban is awesome. I love it. I can now go out and enjoy my food, beer and company of friends without being infested with the odor of smoke. I can go out dancing and not feel sick for days because of my allergy to smoke. I can take my kids to restaurants and not have our meal ruined because someone has lit up at the table next to ours. Smokers are still allowed to smoke. Business owners will get the same business and potentially more. It’s all good.

Work to live, not the other way around

We live in a nation of over-achievers and it seems the only achievement that leads to is being miserable. Working not only our 40 hours a week, but then overtime both at work, at home and often even on vacation. What kind of madness is this? Is it any wonder that people are angry and rude in our society? The longer and harder I work only to have mistakes chastised and berated make me seriously doubt the choice to work extra to get ahead. I don’t feel like I’m ahead. I feel like I’m out all those extra hours I could have been having fun and enjoying my life. I work with a guy that “gets by” on his 40 hours a week. He doesn’t make a lot more than he did when he started, but he seems to be happy and he still has a job making enough money to support the rest of his life that he actually allows time for. I think he might have the right idea. Work to live not live to work. I seem to have let that get lost somewhere in my desire to make more money and get an office. I got the office and the money, but I seem to have lost the enjoyment and little bits of the “live” part.
I realize I’m rambling. It’s 3 a.m. and I’m awake stressing over work. Yep, I think I may have lost the point somewhere, but am on the verge of finding it once again.

one of my favorites

When I have been asked to name my top favs for music there are a few that always spring to mind. David Sylvian, Beastie Boys, Bob Marley, and always, always Sade. I put "Lovers Rock" on this morning and I'm on my third repeat of it. Her voice and the content of her songs always make me smile, bring a tear, make me want to sing, make me dance, and always make me remember the feel of being in love and of having my heart broken. She's just about how life feels a lot of the time. It's good.



I want to cook you a soup that warms your soul
But nothing would change,
nothing would change at all
It's just a day that brings it all about
Just another day and nothing's any good

The DJ's playing the same song
I have so much to doI have to carry on
I wonder if this grief will ever let me go
I feel like I am the king of sorrow,
yeahThe king of sorrow

~from the King of Sorrow by Sade

I'm not buying it!

I keep seeing these ads for these Crystal Light packets that are made to just be added to a bottle of water. The whole marketing angle is that everyone needs to drink water everyday and these make it taste better.
Alright, first off if your bottled water tastes bad then something is either wrong with your water or something is wrong with your bottle. You need to figure that shit out before you end up in the hospital with some crazy bacterial infection. Trust me on this one.
Secondly, if you add something to water it’s not water anymore!! If I blend lemon juice and sugar or sugar substitute with water what do I have? That’s right! Very good. I have lemonade. Lemonade is not water. If I add a tea bag to my water I have made tea. Again, that is not water. So, by adding this chemical concoction that taste like whatever flavoring they’ve added the water then becomes “Fake Nasty Chemical Flavored Beverage” and that is most certainly NOT WATER!! If it really "gives you the benefits of water" then where to the calories come from? From the CHEMICALS!!
Sorry, Kraft, go sell that shit to all the Barbies of the world, because I'm not buying it!

Flickr Sets

Alright everyone. So, Abby has created sets of photos based on the days events. I still haven't uploaded any photos but when I do I'll post the link.

Click here to see our Seattle trip.

So freakin' funny

I have no idea what we were laughing about, but I love this photo. Damn, it must have been really funny.

Update re: Afternoon 1

So, I said I'd post the video where Abby and I were serenaded by the homeless man. She has it up on Vimeo. Check it out.

I think I'm almost recovered from the trip now. That's good. Time to start planning the next adventure. That is a good distraction from how poor I am now that I'm done with vacation.

Also, big news at work. My assistant is now full time AND I got an office. No window, but it's an office and I can work in peace without a distraction every 5 mins! WooT!

The Last 24 in Seattle

Our picnic was at a great park called the Gas Works Park. It’s got the most amazing view of the city. Despite some delays w/ getting there once we did our timing was perfect. Just after dinner the sun was setting. It was reflecting off the skyscrapers across the water and boats were out in plenty. I got to meet Heeeysos, AnnG and The Beige One and Anne’s boy, Steve. It was a lot of fun.

I think we all had enough fun that once we got back to the hotel we just chilled. I blogged a little (see the last post), Abby went through all her gazillion photos of the day, and Anne hung out while we watched a couple movies. It was very chill and sort of a good end to the evening. Abby stayed up until I have no idea when and then was up early Sunday morning to catch her flight. She made it to SFO without a hitch and had coffee with Mynxy and then flew home.

When Dan and I awoke we packed our things and then checked out of the hotel leaving most everything in the bellman’s room so we could go to Banya5. Oh, lovely, lovely Banya5. After spending 2 ½ hours at this Russian bathhouse I felt like I needed to rush back to Denver and open one exactly like it up here. The steam bath, sauna and then various “baths” were just what I needed to relax me completely. Then it was all topped off with a honey & salt scrub. Can you say “Delight?”

After this we were both just in the mood for taking it easy. I searched my purse and makeup bag for Anne’s phone number, but couldn’t find it. So, we sat down and I searched again, and again. Still no phone number. Turns out I left it in my backpack back at the hotel. So, I was hoping she would call and we moved on back to Pike’s market. We mostly browsed and then decided we should hit the Aquarium rather than trying to rush and take a ferry ride. On our way there Anne called. I missed the damn call. DAMN!!!

The Aquarium is under construction. I’m sure that it will be lovely once it’s done.

We decided to get a bite to eat and then head back to the hotel. We walked and walked finally getting to the hotel and picking up our bags. Sure enough. There was Anne’s phone number, but no time to see her. Damn! Damn! Damn! I called and we chatted until our car came to get us. And then off to the airport.

Our trip to Seattle was a lot of fun. I’m so glad I got to see Anne finally and hang out with Abby again. It had been a really long time. Now I’m plugging away at work wishing I would have taken a lunch break, but feeling like the 2 days I took off buried me. I am an American worker. Vacations never last long enough and work is always more than 40 hours a week. Even so, retreats like this past one help. A lot.

Drunkie isn't always fun the next day

I don’t know what to write about last night. It’s 10 p.m. tonight and my brain is still fuzzy. I didn’t drink THAT much. Just the combination was bad, bad, bad.

The best thing to say is that we went to dinner at Ivar’s. It was delicious. I had two glasses of pinot grigio with the appetizers & dinner. Then we caught a cab to go to karaoke.

The cab driver was phenomenal. He was a big black man from Somalia. When we got into the cab he asked where we were going (of course) and we told him Beacon Pub on Beacon Street in Beacon Hill. He said, “Beacon Pub?” we said yes. He said, “Beacon Street?” we said yes. He said “Beacon Hill?” and we said yes. Then he sang out “Beeeeacon Hill!” So, we sang back, “Beeeeeacon Hill!” We chatted with him about where all he’d lived in the US and about where we lived. It was a good ride.

When we pulled up to the pub it was a bit iffy looking. Somewhat dive barish, but we went in and there were people singing. We got some “Lucky Brand” beers and Anne and Abby went through the books, picked out songs and we waited for their turns. They sang. I danced. We drank. At some point Dan came back to the table with some shots. I had one. Then we had another. And eventually I had another. The beer and the shots were FUN!!! And then we came back w/ Mr. Beacon Hill as our cabbie. We did some drunk dialing. It was fun.

Then I came back to the hotel and vomited. Yep. I got SICK! Big time sick. Throwing up until 4 a.m. kind of sick. I felt really bad about keeping Dan and Abby up. I felt even worse that today I was really horribly hungover and not really able to do anything other than seek out cool spots on the sheets.. I didn’t get up until 5 p.m. and that was only after Annetastic gave me some AlkaSeltzer (thanks Anne!) and I rested some more. Man, I hate being hungover. Dan was so good to me. He’s a good boyfriend. A really good boyfriend.

I got up for the picnic we planned. I’ll add that info later. By the way, Abby is adding photos on Flickr like a mad woman. You should check them all out.

so....

a lot drunk....

linkie http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvdJlSam9XA

Space needles, Moons and other interesting things I did today

I’m considering mooning someone from our 2nd story window. It would be easy enough considering the position of the bed and the window. I’ll let you know what I decide later.

After lazing about this morning we were finally all ready to go have breakfast at about noon. We walked to a little dive restaurant/bar called “5 points.” It seems all big cities have something called 5 points and Seattle appears to be no exception. The food was really good particularly the bacon. The bacon was delicious. I need more.

After the good bacon we walked. We walked to the Space Needle and EMP. We didn’t actually pay to go in and see anything because quite frankly I don’t think we were that interested and they were both pricey attractions. Instead we looked in the gift shops, watched people riding amusement park rides, children playing in fountains and wandered through gardens that made me long for a more moist climate in my own gardening space. All the while I was mauing on some fine cotton candy. Then it was getting sort of late so we headed down to Pike’s market. We walked, and walked and walked. It’s a long way from the Space Needle to Pike’s. A very long way. A really, really, really long way. We made it. My left knee hate me. But we got some coffee, chatted, and Dan bought me some flowers. We shopped and I ended up buying some fruit, Dan bought some salmon for the picnic tomorrow and Abby bought a lot of stuff. I think she’ll eventually blog about it, but right now she’s busily sorting through the 414 photos she took today. That is the actual count. She’s not joking around when it comes to taking pictures, people. By the way, you should check out her blog, too.

By the time we were done so were my feet. That’s what I get for wearing 4” wedges to walk around Seattle in, but dammit I looked GOOD doing it. Now we are recovering and getting ready to have dinner at Iver’s. Then later…karaoke. And NO, I’m NOT singing.

(I did moon someone, btw. The glass was really cold on my ass.)

Cirque de Adventure

Around 6:20 Dan and I set off on an adventure to go see Cirque de Soleil. Tickets in hand we headed for the bus stop just a block over from our hotel. Waited for about 10 minutes and boarded a bus headed for Redmond’s Marymoor Park. We were on the bus for about 40 minutes when I began to worry whether or not we were ever going to get there. It was fine since the show didn’t start until 8:00 but it seemed a long fucking way. It was a long fucking way really. Anyway, we finally got there and the bus driver gave us some information on how to get back. He didn’t charge us for actually riding. I now wonder if he wasn’t thinking, “You’ll need the cash I’m saving you for your cab fare.”

Off the bus and onto the sidewalk there was the tent just a block or so away. We begin walking. 10 minutes later. There it is. The tent. Just a block or so away. I’m not sure how the tent seemed closer than it actually was but it did and we ended up getting a good deal of exercise on our way to the tent. I’ve decided that tents are magical things. They can be farther away than they appear. They can hold more people than you’d expect. They make a child’s eyes gleam with wonder and excitement. And in last nights case they can try and make ordinary sized adults fit into seats designed for a 5 year old. Now maybe I’m just being a little bitchy here, but if I pay $80 a ticket for a seat to a show I want that seat to somewhat fit my ass. I’m not a big woman and I was SQUISHED!! I can only imagine how the 250 lbs woman next to Dan felt. It didn’t help my enjoyment of the show to be crammed into the seat like I was one of the acts. The show was entertaining and typical Cirque. Perhaps I need to be done with it because after the 5th show I’m starting to compare them and last night was no Quidam.

Now the adventurous part. The show was over. It was 10:45. The last bus was at 10:38. Uh... TAXI!!! We called a cab and dealt with the taxi nazi. Walked to the place that we had indicated we’d be and waited. Twenty minutes later we were still waiting. The wait was lovely. Cool but not cold night. Frogs croaking in the background. Cars zooming past as we wait, and wait, and wait. We call again and get a much nicer agent. As she’s talking to Dan a cab goes by slowly. He hangs up and the cab passes us. Slowly. It keeps going and then we are left. It begins to drizzle. Now at this point there really isn’t much to do but laugh about being stuck out in the boonies in the rain waiting for a cab. So, we do. Then the cab comes back with passengers. We call again. FINALLY!!! The cab shows up just as it begins to do a little more than drizzle.

Our cab driver was from Bulgaria and was very happy to see us. Somehow he seemed to feel responsible for our situation and was fairly apologetic that we were damp and in the cold. He offered us a lot of advice on good things to see in the city and discussed the weather, closing of bridges, and Paul Allen’s quirks. It was a fine ride back to the Hotel Max despite the weird smell of dung in the cab.

By the time we got back, I was starving having not eaten since lunch. We stopped in at the Red Fin to have some edamame, sushi (I didn’t eat this) and some teriyaki skirt steak. It was quite a lovely end to a little adventure that now doesn’t seem quite the adventure since writing it out.

Seattle Afternoon- Day 1

A true vacation is a beautiful thing and I think part of the joy in it is that you don’t feel like you have to get up in the morning. Not that you lounge in bed all day or that would even be a very good use of time, but the idea that you CAN stay in bed if you want is a very powerful one indeed. One I am enjoying this morning at 10:30 a.m. I’m still in between the sheets waiting my turn to take a shower. I’ve been awake for an hour, but just haven’t managed to get out of bed.

Yesterday after we all showered and got ready we left for a little adventure. The plan was to make the 1:00 “Underground Seattle Tour” that Abby’s father had highly recommended. I think the advantage of our hotel is that most things are in walking distance. We left the hotel on foot and made our way down Stewart Street coming upon both a good coffee joint that had fairly cheap and delicious coffee AND and ATM, which is also equally important to having fun. Our walk took us down first avenue which is where Pike’s Market is. The draw was too great. We had to look in. Dan was the first to say he was hungry and so we decided we might as well go in and delay our tour to 2:00. After only looking around for a minute Dan and I decided the BBQ joint was where we wanted to eat. Abby looked a bit longer and ended up with a crepe. Deeeelish! Gullets filled onward to the Underground adventure.

The Underground Seattle is a little bit of a “misnomer” as you find out on the tour. It’s actually the “old” Seattle that was built after a great fire destroyed the first one. Then because it was at tidal flat level they “fixed” it. So, basically on the tour you are taken around seeing the old street level that is now underground. Anyway, this is what we bought $11 tickets for and quite frankly it was worth every darned penny. After purchasing our tickets we had about a 30 minute wait for the tour. We were approached by a homeless man who wanted to sing to us in exchange for money. He was quite honest about needing the money for beer. Abby documented a portion of the event that I'll link to when it's up. After our homeless man serenade we went on the tour. Again, it was really worth the $11 it cost. Our tour guide, Jim, was well rehearsed and knew his stuff on random questions the group had.

After the tour our legs were a bit weary, but we made our way back to the hotel to take a rest and get ready for the nights adventures. That’s right. Adventures. More about those in the next post…

Seattle- morning one

I woke up this morning slightly hung over and in Seattle. The room was very dark when I awoke with grey soft light working its way between the blinds and the frame of the window. The sheets are heavy good sheets and I didn’t want to move. Then the phone rang from across the room. I hopped up so it wouldn’t disturb anyone else, but knew that it did. G was on the phone and he was upset. His 10 year old voice on the edge of tears because he was teased about a failure in making eggs. We worked it out a bit and then he handed the phone to B who was less than interested in talking on the phone. We hung up. It was still dark in the room but the sounds from the street were creeping in and waking us more and more. It was obvious that the working world was moving about and doing what it needed to do.

Eventually, Abby made the decision that we needed some food after I mentioned pancakes. I shuffled around and found the menu, turned on a light and saw my section. “For the Egg Averse” I ended up with a bowl of yogurt, nuts, granola and coconut w/ a side of fresh fruit and some sort of bread thing w/ a sauce. Needless to say the last was barely touched. I don’t like unknown sauces on my food. Abby had some eggs and potatoes. Dan had coffee. Well, we all had coffee, but he only had coffee.

My head still hurts. I’m glad it’s grey. Less chance of a migraine that way. We are going to head down to the Seattle Underground tour in a bit and check out that tour. Then tonight is Cirque and who knows what else. Who cares? It’s a vacation in a city I’ve never been to before. Everything is new and different and adventurous.

One more thing before I hit the road...

Just a little reminder to Mr. Bush and his misled administration!

You can get the shirt HERE

Seattle

We are headed to Seattle tomorrow for a well deserved vacation. It's my first trip to Seattle in memory. I think my grandparents went through there with me when I was very small. I don't remember it. I'm going to take a lot of photos. Fun times.

damn dog owners

Alright. Anyone who knows me knows that I love my dogs. They are like babies to me. They are sweet little beings that depend on me and would give their lives to protect me. Max is my baby boy and Lily is getting over her issues and becoming very dear in my heart. Even so, they are dogs. I don't pretend that they are anything other than dogs. They act like dogs. They sniff other dogs butts, eat grass and vomit, and do whatever doggy things they might feel like doing. So, when they are in "people" situations I keep them on a leash so they don't apply their dog sensibilities. I wish this bitch today would have done the same with her dog. I was nearly bitten by her border collie because she chose to not have it on a leash despite there being a very strict leash law in Denver. No apology, no scolding of the dog, and then didn't put the dog on a leash. Next time a situation like that occurs the dog and the owner are getting a taste of pepper spray. Damn dog owner.

another post about mountains...

Tonight driving west I noticed that the mountains were paper cutouts of themselves. The fading sky highlighted the lavender, deep purple, and nearly black shapes layered darkest to lightest. It truly was “purple mountains majesty.” It was a beautiful day. A very beautiful day.

By the way, THIS is a really great blog. You should read it.

If you live in the mountains...

This will probably be a boring post for any readers that don’t live near the mountains or wilderness of any sort. However, I do. I don’t live as close as some people, but that is my choice. I choose to live in the city. I choose to live in the city because I like to live in the city with the various things a city affords. I deal with the bad parts that I’m not thrilled about like the bums, crime, and noise. Many Coloradans choose to live in the foothills or in the mountains because they enjoy being in nature and the peace and quiet that affords them. Many of these Coloradans understand that living in the foothills or mountains means that they will encounter a part of nature called “wildlife.” I don’t mean squirrels or chipmunks. I mean bears and mountain lions. Yes, those are found near Denver because this is their habitat.
So, where is this going? Well, it’s those other few Coloradans that don’t really grasp the “bad” part of living in or near the mountains. They believe that because they own the land that the nature is theirs and even the parts of nature they don’t like will respect that. Sorry, but it doesn’t work quite that way. In short, I’m so fucking sick of these morons in the news who are shocked when their family pet gets eaten by a predator. WTF? YOU LIVE IN THE FUCKING MOUNTAINS!! MOUNTAIN LION!! Why would it be called a “MOUNTAIN” lion if it didn’t live in the motherfucking mountains? If you live in the mountains there will be mountain lions and maybe even bears. They don’t quite have the ability to “get” that they are on private property. If you live in or near the mountains do not be shocked if your family pet becomes dinner. It happens. It’s part of the nature you moved to the mountains for. Don't kill innocent animals that are doing what their instincts need them to do. They hunt so they can survive. They search for food IN their own environment. If people choose to move there then they need to accept all of the nature including mountain lions in the mountains.

Max, the dog

I don’t know what has gotten into my Max tonight. He’s so lively and full of energy. It’s hilarious. He’s been playing with all of his toys since I got home and doing his silly little boxer growl. WOOO-WOOO-WOOOOOO-WOOOHOOOH! Perhaps it the cool rainy weather. I don’t know. I just know that right now he’s got his big saggy dog that has lost it’s squeekers and is running around the house tossing it about. I love that crazy dog.

4 weeks of worry

My children left today to go visit their father for 4 weeks. And while I realize how important it is for them to visit that doesn’t make it any harder. It would be very hard to send them to visit someone I like and trust, but to visit him. It’s hard. Very hard. It’s trusting my most precious possessions to the one person in the world who was the most dangerous person in my life. That sounds dramatic, but drama aside it’s true. There is nothing to be done. That’s their father and it’s his right and until he does something foolish enough to have it taken away. I can only hope that never happens despite my dislike for these times away from my babies.

Cable sucks my money...

And for what? Why do I have cable? I spend so much money a month for however many hundred channels to only end up watching MTV2. And dammit even that isn't worth my hard earned dollars. My migraine was more interesting than the new Red Hot Chili Peppers video, and I've seen this "live" Kanye joint waaaayyy too many times. So...fucking...over...it. However you know I'm going to keep paying for it because I like 3 shows I can't get with an antenna. Damn them.

cured

I pulled out a Cure CD the other day and was reminded about how much I love them. I need to get my collection all on CD because I have most everything on LP and it's not accessible. In the meantime I'm going to just enjoy the bit that do have on CD.

"i've been looking so long at these pictures of you that i almost belive that they're real i've been living so long with my pictures of you that i almost believe that the pictures are all i can feel remembering you standing quiet in the rain as i ran to your heart to be near and we kissed as the sky fell in holding you close how i always held close in your fear remembering you running soft through the night you were bigger and brighter than the snow and screamed at the make-believe screamed at the sky and you finally found all your courage to let it all go remembering you fallen into my arms crying for the death of your heart you were stone white so delicate lost in the cold you were always so lost in the dark remembering you how you used to be slow drowned you were angels so much more than everything oh hold for the last time then slip away quietly open my eyes but i never see anything if only i had thought of the right words i could have hold on to your heart if only i'd thought of the right words i wouldn't be breaking apart all my pictures of you Looking So long at these pictures of you but i never hold on to your heart looking so long for the words to be true but always just breaking apart my pictures of you there was nothing in the world that i ever wanted more than to feel you deep in my heart there was nothing in the world that i ever wanted more than to never feel the breaking apart all my pictures of you." -The Cure

Educating my children outside of school

I was driving along in my Jeep and realized that there are a number of things that I need my children to know that school isn’t going to teach them. Things I don’t want school teaching them, because I don’t know that the schools really get it. I missed out a lot because I spent a lot of time in school learning only what they wanted me to learn. I didn’t get it from my parents because I don’t think they realized that school wasn’t going to teach me these things or realize I needed to learn some basic things to cope with the adult world. I had to learn a lot of lessons after I left home and while I had a lot of book knowledge that didn’t do me a lot of good when I needed to do laundry, cook dinner or most importantly manage my money. I’m going to be blogging off and on about the things that I feel I need to teach my own children. What I think I need to teach them, what I know they need to learn about the world as it is today, and I hope getting some feedback from my readers on what they know and have learned that might help me in this crazy attempt at preparing children to be adults.

Head Space

I snatched this idea from my friend Abby’s blog. I do realize that some of these are pretty transparent, but even if you think it’s about you don’t ask. I’m not telling. This is a lot harder than I would have thought. I have to list things I’d never say to the actual person. What wouldn’t I say? Anything to my children is out, because they know down to the bone how much I love them and how they are the light of every day I’m alive. Anyway, here it goes:

The Rules:
* List ten things you want to say to people, but know you never will.
* Don’t say who they are, use people only once.
* All who read this can choose to post in their own blog (no have-to’s for memes, please).

My list:

1. Your child looks just like Squiggy from “Laverne and Shirley.”

2. I never would have made it without you.

3. I never thought we’d be close, but then life is full of awesome surprises. Our friendship is one of the brightest spots of my adult life. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

4. I will never forgive you. Not for all you did, but for everything you continue to add to it. I know that someday they will get it, too.

5. You never had my back and I doubt you ever will. You make bad decisions and then can’t even own up to the consequences. You are weak and don’t deserve my respect.

6. It really hurts that our friendship has never been as important to you as it has always been to me.

7. No matter how much time passes I still love you and wish things had been different. Timing is everything.

8. I hate being indebted to you. It makes me feel insecure and like a failure.

9. You’ve given me reason not to trust you. Still, I can’t help but be drawn into your sense of life and fun and be encouraged and inspired by it.

10. You gave me so many gifts (tangible and not) that I still enjoy. Thank you.



The good thing about this list is that no one reads my blog so I won't be getting a lot of questions. WooT! I'm so sneaky. haha!!

Minutia

This morning after parking my Jeep I was walking along the sidewalk to my building and I noticed a little chickadee in a pine tree. He was doing a little dance. Then I noticed the female nearby. He was doing a little mating dance for her and she was certainly checking him out. I didn’t linger, but it was fun catching their little courtship.

CONGRATS TO ZOE!!!

SHE WON!! SHE WON!!

Congrats to Zoe!! She rocks!

HEADLINES

Just in case you missed it on the news...

We are still in Iraq. There are still U.S. forces dying everyday. There are still civilian and allied forces dying in record numbers. We are still in Afghanistan. And we still don't have Osama Bin Laden (remember him?)

Oh yeah, Saddam Hussein refused to enter a plea today. Anyone see that on the news? Probably not if you were looking at U.S. news.

However, somehow criminals are coming to pick our crops and do our day labor in record numbers and must be stopped at ALL costs! Yeah, I didn't post a link. It was all over the goddamned place and if you missed it you can just hit CNN or FOX or whatever news channel you prefer to catch up on that one.

My question is...

Does anyone really eat the serving size voluntarily?

warm, wet, green...*sigh*

When I dream of a place to call home forever I don’t really think of Denver. Everyone seems to take this as me not liking Denver, but that’s not exactly true. I do really like Denver. There are things to do here that I can’t do anywhere else. It’s a good place for my children to be. Perhaps I’m not articulating myself very well. When I close my eyes and I think of all the places I truly have fallen in love with they have some things in common. Vegetation is a good start. Stockholm, Cape Town and Atlanta all have a lot of greenery and vegetation that I love. They have gardens that completely envelope. Also, they are all either on the water or not that far from it. There is something about being able to go to the ocean and have it just relax me that I can’t seem to get from any other source. Atlanta isn’t very far from the ocean so even a trip ever 6 months is easy. I miss the water. I didn’t grow up around any water, but somehow it’s come to be such a cleansing thing for me. I need that. Also, these places have some humidity. I miss feeling humidity. I miss the way warm wet air caresses my skin and makes me feel warm all the way through and not just on the surface. So, today I am dreaming of Cape Town and how I’d love to wake up to the green warmth that climate can provide. And yes, I do know that it's almost winter there.

2, 2, 2 posts in one

I love my longboard and cruising down the sidewalk at whatever pace I feel the energy for. I like to just surf and feel the way the wheels roll smoothly over the surface of the cement. It’s not as flashy as the smaller boards that chase and jump around the bowls and grind along coping, and I don’t feel the need to be adventurous and go down super steep dangerous hills. I’m fine taking my time and enjoying the ride. The skateboard park downtown is near the Platte river here and there is a nice long path that runs along side. The sidewalk rolls along with just enough up and down that the ride isn’t passive or thoughtless. And there are plenty of sights along the way to see. Why take up skateboarding again 20 years after breaking my tailbone doing it? Now I’m not afraid to do it at the pace that I enjoy. I don’t feel like I’m having to impress anyone, but can rather just take my time and do it because it’s fun.
Secondly, and completely unrelated, I’m thinking of my grandparents today. My grandfather, Papo, died 13 years ago. I was much too young to lose a parent, but life doesn’t always work the way we want it to. We don’t always get what we want even if it’s just one more day with a person we love. And that brings me to my other grandparent, NeeNee. She was a firm believer in letting the people you love know that you love them. She always stressed that regretting not saying something is a lot harder to cope with than living with saying something that was real and true like love is. I loved them because they were my parents and my friends. I hope all my friends and family know I love them because I do.

Funny Girl

I love my daughters sense of humor. It's just the best. Here's an example...

My boyfriend found a gross old Clif Bar that had expired (who knew they could) and he hid it in my purse. When I found it and he explained he'd intentionally hidden it there I proceded to hide it under his pillow. Since then it's been hidden all over the place. This morning I found it and asked my daughter to hide it for me. She looked at me, Clif Bar in hand, "Mom, how long is this so-called 'game' of yours going to continue?"



'nuff said on why she's so awesome!

When I was just a little girl.

My children were asking me about how things were when I was a child. I was thinking about it and telling them the things I remember about. And I came to realize just how much has changed in the last 37 years. The list kept going longer and longer. Everything from the types of television shows that were on, the sense of humor that was used, the band frequency for radio, the medium we listen to music on, and even just the way we pay for our basic needs.
I remember being a child and asking my grandmother about the things that had changed from the time she was a child until then. She was 49 years old than I so she’d had well over half a century to thing about the changes. There was a lot different. A LOT.
Then I think about the times my mother grew up in. She’s only 19 years older than I am, so certainly less of a span and I think there were some changes, but perhaps because she was so young when she had me not so much had changed. Most people had cars, there were TV’s, records, and kids were even wearing similar clothes. It just wasn’t as different as the span between my children and I in what changed.
So, where is this going? Maybe nowhere, but it just struck me as amazing about how many things had changed. I wonder if it’s just because we are so technology obsessed and the information age has created such a boom of “new.” I wonder what it will be like when my children have children and I wonder if they will have any frame of reference to the things I had as a child vs. what they will have. How exactly can you explain 8-Tracks after all?

Doggy style

My dog is going to be so sick either tonight or tomorrow. Why? Because he broke down the baby gates and got into the trash and ate a roasted chicken carcass and probably a good pound of ham that I tossed out. This is not going to be pretty. I just hope it doesn’t mean a trip to the vet. Greedy little punk.

Rules of the Nursery

A message to my co-workers…

I realize that there is no hope of creating stronger, brighter “you’s” but let’s just try to follow these simple steps so the workplace isn’t quite as much like a nursery as it is now.

1. When you are using the fax machine you have to dial a 9 to get an outside line. If it’s long distance that 9 must be followed by a 1. This is the rule everytime you use the fax machine. It doesn’t remember you. It’s a MACHINE.
2. When the printer says, “Out of Toner” you don’t need to come get me to tell me it’s broken. It’s not broken. You simply need to change the toner like the little light is prompting you to do.
3. Passover is not a diet. It’s a religious holiday.
4. The lemur is not an African cat. Please use Google before you make a mockery of yourself by trying to carry on a conversation that requires knowledge…of anything.
5. Yes, the tattoo hurt. No, you cannot see it.
6. While I realize that I may seem like I know everything surprisingly I don’t. So, if you need to find out some trite bullshit for your own personal comfort please do a Google search before annoying me with another idiotic question.
7. If you want another fucking case of diet coke then stop and the store and buy that cancer causing “drink” for yourself. “Human Resources” doesn’t not mean that I provide beverages or in any other way should service your base needs.
8. If you want me to do the things you ask of me then reciprocate once in awhile. I know most of you don’t know what the word reciprocate means, but see #6 before you ask me.
9. Please keep your personal life personal. I don’t care where you just got waxed, how much it hurt or how much you paid. I don’t care what color you are considering for your nails, hair or skin. I don’t share this with you so please reciprocate (see #8)
10. Coffee is not syrup. Please stop making it so. Not only does it waste the coffee grounds but no one drinks it or haven’t you noticed that you are pouring out most of a pot every stinkin’ morning?
11. Do not call me before 7 a.m. or after 6 p.m. weekdays or at all on the weekends. At these times I am parenting my children so they can be as much unlike you as possible. In other words, I’m trying to teach them to think and act for themselves and to grow into independent persons. If you simply look into doing that for yourself during these times it will be easy for you to not hassle me when I’m not on the clock.
12. I don’t have to like you to work with you. I’m polite because I have manners. Not because we are friends or because I like you.

Thank you for following these simple rules that will help us co-exist and for me not to dream of throttling you on a daily basis. Cheers.

stainlesssss

Yes, that's right! We have a stainless kitchen and our new fridge finally arrived on Saturday. And then it was promptly sent back to the warehouse. Why? Because despite our careful measurements based ont what the store told us that fucker didn't fit. It didn't fit until Dan took the banister and part of one of the door frames out. That's right! He tore down part of the house so I could have my fridge. It was redelivered today and is chillin' in the kitchen right NOW!! So, what was worth breaking a 120 year old house for? Look and see!! Now c'mon over and let me cook something for you! WooT!

I just got the most recent Yellowcard CD. I was listening and this song stood out to me. The lyrics were what got me. Here are some of them. Look up the rest if'n ya wanna.

Two Weeks to Twenty

Jimmy wasn't really popular
He had a couple of friends back home
And sooner or later they're all getting out so he had to join up alone
He was dreaming of the ivy league since he was only three feet tall
And get the hell out of jersey and then he would never look back at all

And then your hear'em say
That miles away
We lost another one that we sent with a gun
They're gonna miss him he was two weeks from twenty and there's still no shame
From the man to blame

Wednesday night at my house

Tonight we’ve been watching TV. My favorite show had a catch up marathon. “Top Chef” is so good. There is a lot of food on there that is much more complicated than the types of food that I prefer, but I love watching the dynamic of the various chefs. It’s just really fun to watch.

Then we started watching an old episode of Saturday Night Live. This episode has Lindsey Lohan in it. She has giant boobies. They are freckled. On a more interesting note I love Jimmy Fallon. There are a couple of reasons. Other than the fact that he’s just adorable I love it, love it, love it that he laughs during a lot of the skits. I don’t know why I like that so much, but I do.

O.K. that’s my blog and I’m sticking to it.

On blogging...

Sometimes I feel like my blog should be about my personal space. About things I am thinking or feeling, but so often those are things that I can’t see myself sharing with the world. It’s this block that makes me not blog so often I think. I end up just making statements about things I see wrong with the world or writing about nothing and that isn’t very interesting to read. I need to figure out a good balance between sharing my thoughts and ideas and doing it so that I am comfortable. I don’t know where this balance is so in the future blogs please be patient with my boring, mundane topics, the opinions/thoughts that might piss you off, or the times that I give way too much information.

However, I am feeling like I need to have this outlet because I am so wrapped up in this life of mine that I don’t reflect and I don’t do a lot of the things that make me feel like a beautiful, sexy, smart woman. I’m hoping that some of the reflection I get here will remind me of the things that I need that make me who I am. It’s hard to balance when there are so many people depending on me for this or that. I need to reflect in order to remember that I need me for this or that, too. It’s a hard balance.

The Slacker signs on...

I’m going to try to blog at least 3 times a week. I swear. No, no REEEEALY!!! I am. Wish me luck…

On that note, I cannot say enough about Amy’s cheese enchiladas. They are so friggin’ good. I always eat too much when I have these and then I end up feeling a bit gross after because I’ve eaten too much. It’s much better if I get the combo dealy they have at Whole Foods than the just enchiladas at Safeway because then I don’t get so disgustingly full.

Next up! Our new dog is so adorable, but she’s soooo onery. We’ve had to “Lily” proof the whole place until she adjusts to the fact she’s not going to be given up again. Poor pooch.

Lastly, my job has exploded. I started out not doing so much. Mostly petty office management. Now I basically do anything IT around here, Office management, H.R. AND the cherry on the top!? BABYSITTING!! Oh yeah…it’s a regular daycare some days. Oh well. I’m a fucking well paid babysitter. WooT!

k...this is the end to the worst blog post I've ever done. I swear I'll come up with this thing called content next time.

on friends

The idea of what I consider friendship to be has been presented to me a few times recently. I’ve been thinking about it a bit. I don’t have a lot of really close friends. A few. A handful. All of which were either founded during the time I was in the process of leaving my ex-husband or shortly there after. I didn’t have even a handful during the marriage so that’s how it goes. The friendships that I’ve taken the time to make and nurture are very dear to me and I don’t take them lightly. I don’t like the idea of being a casual friend. That isn’t a friend. That’s an acquaintance. Acquaintances are all fine and good, but you can’t turn to them for life. Moving, heartbreak, sincere discussion and feedback and sometimes in life these are things that everyone needs. It’s not about when the sun is shining and everything is fun, although that is important too. For me friendship, true friendship is through thick and thin. Through anger, frustration, whatever with that friend. You don’t stop mid-stream because it’s not a fun time anymore. Like everything it will be a fun time again at some point, but until it is a friend is there by your side. I love my friends. And I know they love me even when I’ve done something to really piss them off. So, when it’s all said and done for me friendship is about weathering AND enjoying life together. It’s not the shiny, casual petty stuff of acquaintances, but rather the nitty-gritty rough and tumble roller coaster. And it’s worth it.

Fellow Americans

Good work! Look what the government we support can be proud of! Yes, this is the government that represents YOU. Because of this when YOU travel abroad these are the images that YOU will be questioned about. Take a stand now and contact your Congressman and demand that our government be responsible for these images and the damage that has been done to our liberties.


Thanks Adam for reminding me again why I should maintain this rage. 'Preciate it!

Make them stop!!!

For the love of all that is holy in this world will my co-workers STOP talking about getting highlights, haircuts and waxing their privates and have a fucking intelligent conversation? I know they aren’t intellects or academics, but really…why do we have to go over the fact that they all spend about $200 a month on “upkeep?” WHY? I don’t need to know that their Brazilian wax wasn’t as painful this time or that they don’t even know what color of hair they REALLY have anymore.
You know those skits on late night talk shows where they go on the street and ask "normal" people easy questions like, "Who is Dick Cheney?" or “Name the capital of any country other than the U.S.” and they fail miserably? Yes....I work with those people. Don’t get me wrong, they are all productive workers and make a fairly good amount of money. They all do their jobs and live their lives. I just don’t understand why they have to torture me by discussing their lack of dimension on a constant basis. They need to spend more time on gaining a few high lights and low lights in their intellect rather than getting their hair colored yet again.

O.K. I’m done ranting.

The good news...

So, the good news is that tattoos last a lifetime. The bad news is that they fucking hurt. WooT!

My Boyfriend

Living in a world of commercial hype it seems like a lot of people we encounter in the world have bought in. They’ve decided that they need to commercialize themselves and create hype about how great they are. Then you run into someone who doesn’t feel the need to boast or brag about the things they do. They just do the things they enjoy and live a life without hype. This is my Dan. He’s not flashy. He’s goal driven, determined and yet has maintained a sense of humility about his accomplishments. He does the things he says he’s going to do. He’s honest and kind in his honesty. He puts people before money. He isn’t afraid to laugh aloud at himself and at life. And for all of the things he is I love him.

It Is What It Is

There are times in our lives where we just don’t get it whatever “it” might be. Whether it’s exactly what our 4th grade teacher is trying to teach us, a life lesson our parents are trying to help us understand, or later in life when we are trying to figure out things that everyone else seems to have mastered. My move to Colorado has been that way for me. There were times where I just didn’t get it. I felt myself struggling to still grasp the idea of what it meant to live in Colorado again both health-wise and financially. Being a single mom with few friends near was such a frustrating struggle. I ran into situations romantically that I didn’t get and no matter how I reworked it in my head I just ended up falling and trying over again. In the end, it just took patience and standing on the couch to get it. It took patience from my friends in seeing me fall and fall and fall before I got it. It took patience from my family dealing with all my frustration and tears. For those that stood by (sometimes pissed off and scowling) and let me figure it out and put up with it I owe you so much. Thanks y’all. I love you.
For those who lost patience and gave up on me it is what it is. I figured it out. I got it.

On turning 37

Today started out great and then it totally sucked. That's about it.

There is no black history in the United States.

As we progress through the month of February that has been deemed "Black History Month," and I read articles such as this one I become more convinced that there should be no black history in the United States. Please don't misunderstand me. I don't mean that we ignore the contributions that black Americans have made to our country, but that we include them along side the other historical figures and events that affected them and then in turn were affected by them. The whole of our history includes black americans and not as a seperate subject that we celebrate one short month a year, but as threads in the fabric of this country that are as intertwined as those of white, asian, hispanic and all others.

the future

The core of an apple sits next to some cash and my coffee mug. Drive, consumption and capital. I've recently discovered that I don't have many goals right now. Nothing long term anyway. I'm looking at the next year of being one that I complete a lot of things that I've been working toward for a long time. I keep thinking, "Now what?" and am coming to realize that it's alright to not have a new goal for a bit. Sometimes just facing the day and making it a smashing success is enough of a goal to have. I'm not saying there is nothing that I want. There are always things and places to go that I want, but they don't feel the same as these other things that I"m about to complete. So, for now, "Now what?" is not an issue. I'm sure I'll come up with something.

Martin

I don't know how we can quantify the changes that Martin Luther King, Jr.'s work on our society and on the world at large. So many of us weren't even born at the time. I do know that without his work and the work of so many others during the Civil Rights movement I wouldn't have my beautiful babies and that is profound to me. It always seemed fitting that Bronte was born on MLK, Jr. day. It also seems fitting that even if I have to use vacation time I shouldn't work on that day and instead use the day to honor him in some way. Today I spent time with my children and cooked for them. While it's not a parade I think he would have been fine with it.

Cheers!

If I've said it once...

I know I've said it at least a number of times here and elsewhere. Read Adam's blog.


http://aclipscomb.blogspot.com/



Oh yeah, and impeach Bush.

Max is adorable and insane.

He's developed the bad habit of only drinking from the shower. He's developed an even worse habit of whining and shutting himself in the bathroom until I get up to open the door and turn on the shower. I try to only oblige when I'm either actually going to get in the shower or if I'm brushing my teeth before bed. He's currently in there w/ the door open. He has peeked at me several times in the last 5 mins and giving a cursory whine. *sigh* Spoiled little brat.

Year in Review 2005

I did this last year and was reminded when a few Tribe pals did it again this year. It's been a year.

What did you do in 2005 that you’d never done before?

*had a residence in Denver, took my photo wearing a bikini in a snowstorm, rode my bike regularly to work. Nothing major, but all good stuff.

Did you keep your new years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year?

*I don’t know that I made any. I’m trying to remember if I did. Hmmmm…

Did anyone close to you give birth?

*Nope. Next year there will be 4 babies that I know of.

Did anyone close to you die?

*Nope. Not this year thank goodness.

What countries did you visit?

*none

What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?

*the opportunity to travel and a little extra cash

What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

*wow, it was such an eventful year I’m not sure.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

*moving to Denver successfully

What was your biggest failure?

*why focus on the negative

Did you suffer illness or injury?

*I think I was sick for half of the winter and then again a few times this fall. It’s the climate here. It’s hard on me.

What was the best thing you bought?

*My amazing ColeHaan black boots…

Whose behavior merited celebration?

*the people who helped rescue all those in need during Katrina

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

*my extended family, the current presidential administration

Where did most of your money go?

*taking care of my children

What did you get really, really, really excited about?

*I was pretty stoked when I got my current job. And then when my longboard came in the mail. Yeah…that was exciting.

What song will always remind you of 2005?

*We Belong Together- Mariah Carey (my daughter and I sing it all the time)

Compared to this time last year, are you:

Richer/poorer? *richer for sure. I can only see next year as being even better.

Happier/Sadder? *about the same. I never end a year without laughter and tears.

Thinner/Fatter? *urgh…fatter.

What do you wish you’d done more of?

*spending time with my friends in person, skateboarding, being outside, listening to music

What do you wish you’d done less of?

*drinking beer, watching TV, cleaning house

How will you be spending Christmas?

*with my children, dear friends, and family

What was your favorite TV program?

*MythBusters, Trading Spouses, Desperate Housewives, Viva La Bam

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

*nope. I don’t have time for that.

What was the best book you read?

*Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman

What was your greatest musical discovery of 2005?

*I am so loving a few things.
- Sophie and Ives
-Tegan and Sarah

What did you want and get?

*a skateboard, Surf One Luau II longboard

What did you want and not get?

*a Segway, and more time

What was your favorite film of this year?

*Wedding Crashers

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

*I went on a horrible date. I was 36.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

*leaving Colorado Springs

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?

*um...mostly covered up?

What kept you sane?

*good food and social time

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

*definitely Jason Statham, as always. He’s so yummy. Anderson Cooper is definitely second though.

What political issue stirred you the most?

*oh fuck. This is way too loaded and there is just too much shit to even re-cap.

Who did you miss?

*my grandmother, my Atlanta pals, Pecan

Who was the best new person you met?

*Danimal

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:

*don’t assume anything

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

“You like this and you know it
Caution, it’s so explosive
Them chickens is ash and I’m lotion”

Bush MUST go!!

From our troops torturing war prisoners to cronies of the White House being indicted on federal charges this feels like one of the lowest periods I can think of in American history. Even the shame of slavery was openly debated within the confines of the law. However, despite a few hundred years of history as precedent our current president has decided that the basic principals that our government was founded on don’t apply to his administration. Not only do they not apply he doesn’t have to openly debate them, but can just go around the laws in place to reach HIS goal secretively. And now that this actions have been outted by the press (remember FREEDOM OF THE PRESS?) he defends it by claiming that he is making us safer and that they were wrong by publishing data they researched and found to be accurate and true! Thanks, Mr. Bush, but I’ll take my RIGHTS over your definition of safety.

Now is the time for every American that believes not in the political ramblings of those in Washington, but that actually believes in the system of equality, liberty and human rights to take a stand and demand that this man be called to answer for his trashing the principals that we have so long taken for granted. It is time to demand that President Bush either resign or be impeached for neglecting his duty and upholding the constitution at the very basic level of his presidency and following the very rules that govern each and every American.

OVERTURN THE BUSH REGIME NOW!! IMPEACH BUSH AND REMOVE HIS ADMINISTRATION OF CRIMINALS!

Two quick thoughts

First- This is sort of for the general public. Buy a flippin' full length mirror and USE IT before you leave the house. I don't want to be exposed to your fat ass squishing out of jeans and your love handles bubbling over and under your blouses that no longer (if ever) fit. I don't want to have to try and have an intelligent discussion with you if you are wearing something that is so distracting that I can't even stay on topic because my inner voice is screaming out, "WHAT THE FUCK WAS HE/SHE THINKING WHEN THEY PUT THIS ON!!??"

Second- Use Google first before you ask me something that can be easily found on the World Wide Web. If you don't have some information about a common product check Google first. Please. If I am going to have to Google it to find the answer help me the fuck out and Google that shit for yourself. It's amazing all the info you can find in the cyberjunk funnel that starts w/ WWW so try it for yourself FIRST.

That's all. Thanks for reading.

Break out the pretzels...

here's even more proof that our president is a big boob! (I know we didn't need it, but here it is anyway.)

mishmash

It's my 3rd day off work and I'm finding that it's exactly what I needed. I've done a lot of nothing, but I've done quite a bit of something as well. It's not the something that I usually tie up my life with, but other things. Cooking things that take time, going through and folding all the gazillion socks that we usually just don't bother to mess with, watching movies more than once, and even taking the time to give myself a mini-pedicure. It's been good.
Even through my few days of doing not so much my brain has been as active as always. Thoughts of where I want to be in a year financially and physically keep coming to the surface and per usual I have gone back to my plan and moved it around a bit mostly to find that I'm still on track and things are good. Time goes so quickly with something, but with things like money they always seem to move so slowly. My "Verucaness" doesn't do well with waiting and when it comes to not having to pinch pennies even more so.
I am not the only one in the world who is on a budget. I know this. I"m sure that all the folks who have moved to Colorado due to Hurrican Katrina are on one. I wonder what they think of Michael Brown opening up a consulting firm right next door (in Boulder) that focuses on disaster preparedness. I think he's an ass personally. I can't imagine putting much faith in his company if I were seeking such a service, but then I wouldn't think that his old boss were worthy of being president either.
On another note I'm having corndogs for lunch. Yes, they are probably loaded with crap that I shouldn't eat but they taste good. So there. Ramble done.

Chip off the ol' block

B and I are watching Singin' in the Rain again. 3rd time in less than 24 hours. She's showing a real liking for old movies. WooT! Someone to watch all my favorite musicals over with. She even dances along with me, but maybe that's a bit too much to share.

Cheers!

ew...

It's official. I have shingles. It's gross. Apparently it's going to get a bit worse. I have the joy of the blisters bursting and forming scabs to look forward to. Now, if I could see this happening it might be interesting on a scientific level, but as it's on my back it's just annoying. I want it gone...NOW!!!

Read 3 Old Men

I read the blog 3 Old Men every day. I was excited when Abby announced that her dad was going to start blogging w/ his friends in tow. She'd posted several blurbs he'd e-mailed to her and immediately she and I agreed he should blog. Then, I got hooked by the whole pole barn saga and am eagerly awaiting an update after they've had guests stay in it. In the meantime I'm reading political writing from Abby's dad. It's really thoughtful. And I highly suggest reading it.

Here is a post from yesterday.

"To: Republican LawmakersFrom: We the peopleRe: President George W. Bush

In recent months, issues that have been largely speculative and colored by the traditional partisan posturing that characterizes American political dialogue have come into much sharper focus. President George W. Bush and his Administration have lead the country into an unprecedented and dangerous quagmire. It is increasingly clear that both Democrats and Republicans in their zeal to react to the Middle East Crises and the Campaign of Islamic Terrorists have been lead to act in ways that are now clearly detrimental to our country based on false and misleading information. To mention a few examples:

1. The Iraq War is not part of our War on Terror. It is and always has been an agenda of a small group of people from several non-governmental Think-Tanks [The American Enterprise Institute, The Project for the New American Century, etc.] that was effected in the guise of being a response to the 911 tragedy.
   
2. The justifications for this war were al Qaeda ties with Iraq and Iraq’s fabled weapons of mass destruction. This information was false, and the Administration knew it was false in October 2002 when the President went before Congress asking for the power to make war.
   
3. Congress did approve that power to disarm Iraq. But when Mr. Bush exercised that power, he went for a regime change, not disarmament. He was following the neoconservative agenda, not the will of the Congress.
   
4. There are now numerous examples that the Administration’s tactics have been executed through clandestine and corrupt pathways. While the "outing" of a C.I.A. Agent is the most blatant example, there are many other examples that Mr. Bush, Mr. Cheney, Mr. Rove, etc. are regularly acting covertly to control the outcome of the political process.
   
5. Through the efforts primarily of Mr. Cheney, Congress is being manipulated to pass legislation that is diametrically opposed to what America stands for - Torture, no Habeas Corpus.
   
6. Mr. Bush has appointed a man, John Bolton, who has been a major critic of the United Nations as our representative to the United Nations by waiting until Congress was recessed and making an interim appointment.
   

We, the people have been lied to and we now know it. The Members of Congress, both Democrat and Republican, have been lied to. Worse, our young men and women who are dying daily in Iraq have been lied to.
It is time to recall that the Republican Party was brought into America’s consciousness as the anti-slavery party, a party dedicated to human rights. The first American Republican President was Abraham Lincoln, the man who saved our Union and freed the Slaves. He stands before us as a symbol of integrity and greatness. It is time for the Republican lawmakers to stand with the rest of America and restore the Union again, to join in the fight to clear this blemish of lies and manipulation from our political scene.
You were lied to too. There is no shame in opposing the misuse of power by a President who happens to be in your party. Party affiliation is not the same as your job as representatives of the people and the government of our Union. A simple perusal of any opinion polls should make it clear what the people feel. Many Democrats were wrong, as were many Republicans, as were many voters. We are in a period of our history where previous mistakes need not be perpetuated. Who knew that the President was going to misrepresent information and his intentions not only to his critics, but also to his allies?"

unusual post, I know

Alright, so I almost never engage in sports conversations unless they are about XGames type sports and it's usually positive and cheerful. It's not that I don't know about the major sports or whatever. Mostly it's because I just don't give a ratsass about these big time over paid sports stars who were probably the guys and gals that abhorred in high school and college.
However...

Terrell Owens deserves nothing. He doesn't deserve a contract. He doesn't deserve to get another chance on the current team or on any future team. He's a conceited, spoiled JACKASS and poor behavior such as his deserves NO reward. I am sick and tired of seeing people with talent think that somehow that equates into them being able to treat others badly and not have some repurcussion. SCREW THAT!!! If you are a jerk then you get no reward.

Secondly, Jesse Jackson needs to stick to what he knows. I"m not sure what that is exactly, but he needs to STFU regarding an overpaid spoiled loudmouth that is getting his just desserts. This isn't about T.O. being black. It's about him being a moron. Period.

I just hate bad behavior. This fellow KNEW what he was doing before he did it, and so no insincere apology to save his job is really good enough. Sorry would have been not repeating his poor behavior with his new team. If you are really sorry you don't repeat the behavior.

My advise to T.O. (and the advise his family should have been giving him all this time)- "Social skills are hard. TRY HARDER."

Society of fear

I've been thinking a lot lately about how we are so consumed by fear in this country. It seems every headline plays on our fears and there is no escaping it. My thought is that it appears that the only way to avoid being afraid and buying into the control of fear is to be a bit skeptical of most everything you read and investigate further on news items etc. that make you feel a bit nervous.
I won't be afraid of all the negative. Life is far to short to focus on anything but the good stuff and how much is out there to experience despite whatever the risk might be.


-yes, this is another ramble.

I love Halloween.

I really love Halloween. It's really my favorite holiday of the year. I enjoy Thanksgiving and Christmas, but for me Halloween is still unmarred by commericials and commercialism. I still enjoy the simple purchase and transformation of a pumpkin, eating the seeds for days after, and the joy of trying to figure out what to be. I just love it.

OUCH!!! My head! But this is goood medicine...

Really quickly I want to post two things that almost have made the pain of my sinus infection go away (almost):

The other 51% of the population that were apparently complete MORONS when voting are changing their minds about the bonehead some people refer to as “President.”

Staged...like we didn't know he couldn't have a normal conversation without some sort of help.

O.K. and this makes it three:

heeheeheee

I'm cleaning up the cyber-poo

After much analysis, thought and umpteen virus, spyware, everything-under-the-friggin’-sun-that-could-compromise-the-data-on-my-computer scan, and even a few tears of frustration I’ve determined one thing about my bank account being robbed. There isn’t a fucking thing I could have done to keep it from happening or anything I can currently do in order to make the process of getting my money back any faster. Nothing. I’m usually one to take the responsibility for catastrophes and assume that somehow I screwed up and that things are my fault. Not this one. There was nothing I could have done differently.

I realize this, but “those people” at the bank just don’t seem to realize that this isn’t something I did to inconvenience them. They act as if I was the one to take the money directly out of their own pockets. It’s almost an insinuation that this is something I wanted to happen and was just walking up to seedy individuals handing my account PINs and passwords out on a business card along with my SSN. It's crazy. "Well, Ma'am if YOU wouldn't have compromised YOUR information..." I realize I’m not the most computer savvy person out there, but at the same time there are a lot of people out there with a lot less knowledge than I have using the internet that aren’t being robbed. I know that there are risks and that I have to protect myself and I do everything from every “Protect Yourself from Identity Fraud” list I’ve seen. Their attitude of me being guilty until I can be proved innocent has made me somewhat obsessed to prove, if not to them but to myself, that I’m not crazy and did everything I could to protect my info. To prove to myself that it was THEIR system that failed and not some careless behavior of my own. I hate that. I hate that this makes me feel like I’m back on the defensive. I hate that somehow inside me I’ve allowed their negativism to make me feel like I somehow am at fault. I’m not. I didn’t want to be robbed and I didn’t put myself out there any more than any other person who has a bank account does.

Needless to say this is all rather disconcerting. It’s not just the missing money that has really disturbed me. It’s much more than that. It’s brought about the realization that I don’t trust myself financially. Despite all my work over the last couple of years to be confident in taking care of finances it doesn’t take much to make me cower. The bad thing is when it comes to your own money who should you trust more than yourself? No one! I should trust myself more than anyone to deal with MY money and the decisions I make financially, the decisions about where I keep my money, and how I choose to bank (in person, by telephone or on the web.) So, I have some confidence building to do with regard to my finances. I don’t know how. I don’t know where to start. I thought I was further along on the path than I am, but at least now I know. There are some cracks, but I will figure it out and gain back the confidence and hopefully there won’t be more tests to my trusting myself and my finances.

P.S. this could lead to a whole other blog entry about how hard it is to heal and mend behaviors that are reinforced with abuse, but I think I did that one briefly and don’t really want to beat the dead horse, but sort of do…

Look what a pretty table. I'm perfeshunal. 

I made pretty food.

Seeeee!! Look how pretty I made the food. The flowers weren't as tasty as I was hoping, but over all they weren't that bad.

I have sand in my underwear.

There are days where life is so unpredictable that it blows you out of the water. You land on the beach and just think, “What the fuck?” because somehow that is the only sentence your brain seems to be able to process. Today was that day.

I walked to work today. My bike ride has become too short. Not that the distance has changed, but my ability has changed. I need a longer amount of time to work my cardio and my muscles so rather than try and ride around the neighborhood a bit I’ve opted to walk at least once a week. The thing about walking is that somehow as my legs move one in front of the other my brain processes. It takes in the surrounding of birds, trees, traffic, the height of the sun and the temperature of the air. Perhaps it’s needless to say this, but I’m going to anyway. The walk is exactly what I need to be invigorated for work and writing. By the time I got to work this morning I had a good idea of writing down all these thoughts. I did an outline and then got busy with the workday.

Two-thirty p.m. Finally time for lunch. I was starving, but needed cash for both food AND for laundry so my first stop was the bank. I went up to a teller, gave her my info and….

“I’m sorry, but you are overdrawn.”

#1- WTF?!!! I just got paid. “How could that be?” I asked and the woman turned her screen toward me. There was a major…o.k. when I say major here I’m not trying to create drama. I actually mean MAJOR as in THOUSANDS!!!…withdrawal not of my making. #2- WTF!!??? I asked how that could be? That wasn’t a transaction I initiated and it’s completely against how I handle my account. Why wasn’t I called? How could this happen? Where is my money? Who took it? #3- WTF? #4- WTF? SHIT!!!! How do I resolve this?

“Ma’am, you can call our customer service to handle this issue. There is a phone over in the hallway.”

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I want a PERSON to explain this to me. A PERSON!!!!

“There are people to explain on the phone. Over in the hallway.” Yeah, thanks Betty I’m a WASP w/ a Japanese last name Tanaka. (yes, I’m naming crappy customer service reps names here.)

So, over to the hallway I go. The phone. The black phone of “customer service” place on a faux marble counter. I call *whatevertheextensionis and get a person. Of course I need to be transferred. NOOOOOOOOOO!!! THIS IS MY MONEY!!! I WANT A PERSON!!!

“Blahblahblahblahblah…3-10 business days. Blahblahblahblah…do you want someone to contact you about what we find?” says “Maggie.” I don’t even think she was real, but more like an automaton they gave a “eeeeeeeeee” name to. Mageeeeee. Mageeeeee. Gah.

#5 WHAT THE FUCK!!! YES, I DO WANT SOMEONE TO CONTACT ME. A REAL PERSON PREFERABLY

I hang up the black plastic customer service phone/Mageeeee and walk back to my office. My legs not invigorating my brain into though or resolution. It’s a chant of wtf? wtf? wtf? wtf? I get to work and customer service calls. “You have to fill out some paperwork at the branch and set up a new account.” Legs moving to the rhythm of wtf? going back to the bank.

“Hi. I’ve been robbed. Here is the fraud number.” Minutes. Phone calls. Stuff. Kind banker boy who has only worked at the bank 5 months and can at least pretend to care. No money. No money.

I have 3 to 10 business days before they resolve this. 3-10 business days. Three to ten…. That’s a long time. In the meantime I get to call the police, the FTC, the crime units at the police, the credit reporting agencies, anyone I have auto-withdrawals or auto-deposits with, the bank, the bank, the bank. #2000- WTF!!??

I needed this

Sitting on a deserted cold beach watching the waves come into shore and wash the sand leaving a print that fades is one of the most cleansing activities that I can think of. It doesn’t just relax me. It goes deeper. Much deeper into my being not only washing the sand clean, but washing all the residue frustrations and torments in life leave behind. There are few other places or things that can do this for me. Late last week I discovered one.

Sophie & Ives- Untie Me

There are a handful of albums that I can go to when I’m frustrated with the weight of the everyday world. This one is the newest of them. For me it washes over like a salty wave shifting and moving the things that are worrisome out of the way and leaving behind a clean slate. It leaves a purity that remembers what it is to love simply, enjoy simply and hardest of all be calm and quiet. I’m not very good at those. This reminds me that I am capable of that state.

Geoffrey's shark project. 

SHARKS!!

I love my children. I'm really proud of the work they do. Check out Geoffrey's diarama of a Great White Shark. It was fun to work on together and he really put a lot of hard work into it.