just checking in

I don't have much to say. Work was hard. The kids are still hanging out w/ friends. It's quiet and nice. I really could use a snuggle, but sometime I'll get it and for now it's good to just have some alone. In fact if I could I'd go to bed right now and just read. I picked up one of my Jonathan Carroll books the other night. It's weird how he can draw me in over and over. Same books I've been reading. I just always get drawn in.

There are things I could be doing. But for now, I'm just finishing this blog and then nothing. Sometimes nothing is necessary.

couples

I have been thinking for the past year or so that I'd really like to be in a couple. I was just in one last summer and I liked it. I liked having a boyfriend to do stuff with and for. It was nice. Nice to have someone to share my time with, call me now and then, fall asleep on while watching TV. It was fun to cook dinner for him and go to baseball games, etc. When I moved that ended even though it had just started. He was cool, but it had just begun so no worries there. Even so, since then I've only dated. And that's been good to. But lately it seems like I see couples everywhere. They are doing chores together on weekends, driving along conversing, having lunch together, etc. I have to admit I've been a bit jealous of these people. Then today I was watching this couple today that seemed really happy. They seemed like they were in love. They seemed like they were content. And then I realized that I was in that couple once and people who wanted to be in a couple had looked at me and been jealous. The thing was when it seemed like I was really happy I was miserable. It seemed to everyone else like I was in the perfect couple. People even commented on it, and it really was all a facade. I don't know that the couple I saw today weren't really happy. I don't know that they were. I just know that things are not always as they appear, and I'd much rather wait to have something real and good and solid than have the appearance of it.