I like this one. 

a ramble about some of this and that

This morning was rough. Awakened at 6:51 on a Saturday after staying up much too late reading. Still a couple cups of coffee and a few handfuls of tropical trailmix and the world seems a better place. Even better the weather channel is predicting an unseasonable 77 degrees. WooT! THAT is one of the delights of Colorado. You'll have snow on Monday and by saturday you are back in shorts.
I'm listening to Nora Jones and sort of recollecting some of the things I read last night. Still reading "A Confederacy of Dunces" by John Kennedy Toole. I'm making a real push though because I have a couple library books I checked out last week that I want to get on. Even more so because the book I put on reserve came in. The library here seems to be the most progressive part of the town. I actually get e-mail notifications! Shock and suprise. I'm getting "Stiff: the Curious Lives of Human Cadavers" by Mary Roach. I've been wanting to read that book since it came out and just haven't. I'll let you know if it's a real live one or not. heh

Alright, so Ignatius in "CoD" wrote a letter to this girl who is rather offensive and brash, but most likely the only human on the planet that would consider having sex with his mass of pink, jiggly flesh. She was saying that she was going to start doing lectures at the Y on one of her crackpot save the world ideas. His response:
"On the dark night of that dubious lecture, the sole member of your audience will probably be some desperately lonely male librarian who saw the light in the window of the lecture hall and hopefully came in to escape the cold and the horrors of his personal hell. There in the hall, his stooped figure sitting alone before the podium, your nasal voice echoing among the empty chairs and hammering boredom, confusion, and sexual reference deeper and deeper into the poor wretch's bald skull, confounded to the point of hysteria, he will doubtlessly exhibit himself, waving his crabbed organ like a club in despair against the grim sound that drones on and on over his head."

This image sort of both made me cringe and laugh at the same time. Sometimes life is like that. Both a trainwreck and amusing at the same time. It's at those times you can just stare and laugh I think.

I realized this morning that my world has seemed rather non-descript and somewhat without form since I moved here. It's been like living with a continuous torrential rain. However, it isn't at all without form or construct. I was wrong. I am just caught up in a storm of change and indecision. The monsoon season will soon be over I'm hoping and I will be able to see the true solidity of what MY world is made of. All through it I've had strong, wonderful friends and family supporting me. What a lucky gal I am. I say that sort of off the cuff, but it's really true.

On the brink

Where did all this stuff come from? How did my house get full of stuff AGAIN!!!??? I just moved and already I feel the need to have a garage sale. How does this happen in the span of 3 months? I don't want all this crap in my house. I want ONE bucket of crayons, not 6 or 7 little containers. I want ONE bookshelf for the kids. I want ONE bookshelf for me. It's not even like it's cluttered because I like to decorate. When it comes to interior design I am the antithesis of Martha. Yet, my house is full of furniture all the sudden. Granted it's nice to have a couch to sit on, but damn I want more open spaces. Less stepping on, over and around STUFF. This weekend I'm throwing out and condensing. I will pretend I'm like the Reader's digest and cut out all that fluff. Who am I kidding? *sigh*

Rage and Fury in fhe face of the approximate~

Today the question was made, “What does the world think of us now?” After working so long in international studies and meeting so many people from around the world I am painfully aware of what the world has thought of America for some time. While there are mixed reviews I think the verdict is in that we are a nation of greedy sloth, a federation of idiots, 50 states full of sheep. That is what the WTC was about. That is what Osama Bin Laden is about. That is what Bush being re-elected is about. We have allowed the idea that “It’s good enough” override the idea of “Let’s do better.” Bush is a prime example of how mediocrity is rewarded in this country. People like him because he is simple enough to make them look smart. People like him because he doesn’t flub words like “moral” or “truth” but don’t recognize that he doesn’t understand the concept behind even simple words that he can pronounce. People like him because he says “Trust me,” and then they don’t have to think for themselves. After all, he is the president so why shouldn’t we trust him? Why shouldn’t we indeed? For me the answer is clear and fairly simple. You don’t trust people that have lied to you once you can prove that they’ve lied. You don’t follow people who don’t mind making money from other people’s bloody sacrifice. You don’t accept a job done poorly when it is the most powerful position in the world. At least I don’t. I refuse to compromise when it comes to the foundations that I know this country to be founded on. He is NOT my leader, and doesn't represent me. I suggest reading “Atlas Shrugged” if you haven’t AND reading “1984” and “Animal Farm” again. They aren’t far fetched literature anymore, because between Ayn Rand and George Orwell, this administration has been portrayed to a T and it’s a disgrace. I’m very angry about the acceptance of mediocrity by the people of my country. I’m very angry that the judgmental idea of “moral value” can override the blatant and horrible facts of national security, economy, and war. I’m saddened and hurt, but mostly I’m disappointed and angry. Still, I don’t have to accept half-assed mediocrity into my life, and I won’t. After all, who is John Galt?
Sometimes we just need a little strength to regroup. This has often given me some~

"In the name of the best within you, do not sacrifice this world to those who are its worst. In the name of the values that keep you alive, do not let your vision of man be distorted by the ugly, the cowardly, the mindless in those who have never achieved his title. Do not use lose your knowledge that man's proper estate is an upright posture, an intransigent mind and a step that travels unlimited roads. Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of you battle. The world you desired can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it's yours." ~Ayn Rand

Vote

I'm not going to say that Kerry is the end all be all here. I'm not going to say that you should vote for any particular candidate. What I am going to say is go vote. Granted the choices suck. But to quote Michael Moore, "Buying a car sucks, but that hasn't ever stopped you from buying a car." Just go vote.


See you at the polls.

cold hurts

I woke up this morning to a world covered in snow and ice. Not a lot, just a few inches. The wind was blowing most of the night hard enough for the house to creak a little and it felt like a true snowstorm. The first one of the season always holds a certain excitement for me even now. Unfortunately, the cold for me also brings discomfort. It started in my early 20's. Cold equals pain. It's mostly this major distraction in my hands, and today my left wrist. I hate that. The advantage of Atlanta was that there were only a few days really cold enough to create this effect, but now I'm looking at a long season of it again. I think I might go see a doctor about it (again). I wonder why this happens. I've been told it's not arthritis, but then what is it? Still, I'm going to keep looking out the window and enjoying this first snow. It's another thing I did really miss about being so far away from here...minus the hurting part.

Smoooochie Witch 

chihuahua

Deep down inside of me I must long to be hairless. I think about how much time, money and pain I've spent on removing hair from my body and it's astounding. Razor blades alone are a huge cost in maintaining a somewhat hairless body. I think the last ones I bought were somewhere around $8 for four! Still better buy the good ones than get cuts from the cheapies right? I haven't used less expensive ones in a long time, so I don't know that it's true. I'm only speculating. I'm a little afraid of the bloody results that could occur in experimentation. Even so, the more expensive method is probably costing me well over $100 a year just to have hairless legs and armpits. I guess that isn't that much, but when you figure I've been shaving for 20 years it adds up.
Next: the insanity of waxing. I really feel like it pays to have someone else wax my eyebrows and upper lip. Unfortunately, I can't always find the time or the extra $$ to do so. It feels like being pampered when someone else does it, but the effects are the same. Nice clean brow line and no moustache. Fantastic! Still, who the hell puts hot wax on their face and rips out the hairs? I do. It's crazy, and yes, it hurts. Still, beauty knows no pain (to an extent anyway). I've had my legs waxed and actually that is somewhat relaxing. I would do this more often, but it's expensive and the inbetween weeks with fuzzy legs is less than pleasing. I've had my bikini area done and what the hell was I thinking. No, I'll stick to the old razor and shaving cream method for there. Seriously, I was bruised for weeks! Even worse I paid cash for it. WTF?
So, this is probably way more information than any of you wanted. I was just thinking though. It's really a lot of time and effort to keep up being hairless. Even so, it's better than the alternative.

Clean house

How does one keep a house clean when there are kids without making that the only thing done? I like doing other things that cleaning. I like talking to my friends, watching movies with my kids, baking pies, etc. I HATE cleaning up. Seriously, despise it. I do it because I don't want my house to look like a total pigsty, but at the same time it still always looks lived in. I long for a house that is just open and empty of clutter, but I don't know how to get there. Any suggestions? Maybe I should just toss everything I haven't used in the last 3 months. Still, that gets rid of a lot of memories. I don't know. It's overwhelming and it's not something I was ever really trained to do growing up. I never had to clean up, cook, do laundry, etc. My only responsibility was to get good grades. I did that. Am I doomed to have a messy house until Geoffrey and Bronte are older? Even just managing to keep all their papers and stuff picked up feels like a major task. How do people with more than 2 kids do it? I guess just dig in and do it. That is the only way. *sigh*

Bronte at her award ceremony. 

Congrats to Bronte

She's won an award at school. It's for treating others with respect and kindness. She has been helping out with a girl in her class who is handicapped and they've become good friends. Really this isn't surprising from either of my children though. They are both wonderful and kind. I really am lucky.

An accurate photo of me (moreso than my driver license) 

Cake or death

Actually, I'll take pie. I don't know why exactly, but cake just doesn't do much for me. The same with ice cream. There are exceptions, but for the most part I'd rather have pie for dessert than these other things. Just to clarify I'm counting tarts in this catergory since they have a crust that is filled with yummy stuff. Yummm...pie. Even so, I'm fairly particular on the types of pie and how they are made. I love fruit pie, but not when it's so syrupy sweet that you can't taste the fruit. After all it's fruit pie, not sugar pie with fruit. My grandmother used to make the most incredible apple pie. She'd always add just enough sugar so the apples were sweet, but you knew it was apple. Boy, that woman could make a great pie. Custard type pies get a much lower ranking for me than fruit pies. There is something about the consistancy that just doesn't thrill me. However, every now and then I get a craving for Key Lime. It's sort of custardy. Pumpkin pie isn't very high up there either. Which is curious since I really like Sweet Potato Pie (there is one in the oven right now) a lot and they are very similar. I think it's just the whole flashback to eating nearly an entire pumpkin pie one year at my great-grandmother's. Mincemeat is alright. Pecan pie is just too sweet for me. I can see why people really like it, but my tasteybuds just can't do super sweet. Still pecans are super yummy. I wonder if I can make a less sweet version.
Actually, when I lived in Atlanta I'd tease that I could forgive just about anything if I was presented with a fruit tart from Alon's (yes, this IS the most awesome bakery I've ever had the fortune to frequent.) These tarts are phenomenal. Not too sweet, not too much custard in the bottom, nice crispy light crust. Jeezy creezy, I'm having a craving now for one of those like you wouldn't believe. But then I've been missing Atlanta a lot today (after finding out how much spices in the grocery stores cost compared to the Dekalb County Farmer's Market)
Alright, so I like pie. I'm good at making pie. It's yummy.

(still feeling a little silly about blogging)

full on blog

I don't have anything to say just this moment so have an appetizer. It's been aged. The main course will be out later.


clouds
cold
quiet frost
red in a plethora of grey
(1987, by v.k.)

Nowhere in Africa

Yesterday I spent part of my day watching a movie called "Nowhere in Africa." It was about this Jewish couple that moved to Kenya during WWII. The movie itself was fairly interesting, but more importantly it got me thinking about Africa again. Although I hated the professors because they were not nice people, I really did enjoy my time in African Studies at Emory. I really learned so much. I am so much more aware of that continent and currently of all the troubles that are there.
I have been keeping up with various websites that report on the condition of the various places and it's just so much that we don't hear about in our papers. It frustrates me that these millions of people can be living without something so simple as iodized salt for their children or that they can be in the middle of a war zone and yet our press finds ONE C.A.R.E. worker being held captive in Iraq more newsworthy. I get so angry at the hypocrisy of our governments "foreign policy" and our "free press's" ability to cover ONLY the political agenda of the current administration.
I was looking at another movie on TV last night and a commercial came on for the Christian Children's Fund came on. I have serious problems with organizations like that. I know that their intentions are probably very good, often their agenda is often more than feeding and immunizing the community. Other organizations that deal with refugees, while not prosthelitizing, still have major issues with corruption and inability to distribute the goods in a timely manner. It's such a difficult problem, and again we are so oblivious to it because no one tells us. As for me sponsoring someone this is the route I go. I have a dear friend in Uganda right now who actually sponsors a child every year personally from the community she lives in. She pays for the school tuition and helps with books, etc. Every year she asks her friends to pitch in to help. Because of my connections with Emory and UCT I know a couple of people that take books to the library in one of the Cape Town townships. Last year I donated a number of Geoffrey and Bronte's books and pitched in a couple new ones.
Anyway, this is where the movie led me. I think that Africa will always be an interest to me. Cape Town felt too much like home for me not to go back. I didn't get to see it all or feel and taste it all. Africa is such a big place with so many governments and so much constant change. The political, economic, environmental and social structures are too much too keep track of even in just one region, but at the same time it's worth trying to know. While we are up in arms about the minutia of the middle east there are people and things in Africa that deserve that outrage, as well.

I don't think this is acurate, but it's an o.k. photo of someone. 

very simply

Migraines suck.

It's official!

I'm now a real citizen of the state of Colorado....again. I have my driver license (there is no s on the card) and I don't really think the photo looks much like me. I'll scan it tomorrow at work and see what the consensus is. It's not a bad photo, but it just doesn't really look like me. However, a lot of photos that I don't think look anything like me others do. In fact I've been accused of being "not very photogenic." I think that is somewhat true. My sparkling personality just can't be captured. (Holding out the barf bag for all those who might hurl from that last statement.)

Damn, I use parenthesis way too much.

Tonight I have a parent-teacher conference. I always feel like I've been sent to the principal's office when I attend these things and am sort of nervous about it. Bronte's teacher is really quite a sweet woman, but I've just had really weird experiences. What kind you say? Well, last year Bronte's teacher told me I should buy a kitchen table and chairs so she could learn to push her seat in. And then there was the problem of Bronte wanting to rug share a square at story time with her friend. *sigh* I can only hope that there won't be any decorating suggestions or issues with my child being affectionate tonight.

How my newly awakened brain works at 12:22 a.m.

The wind is whipping about outside and causing our garage door to bang. It woke me up. Why doesn't the garage door latch you might ask, thus keeping it from banging? Well, a couple days after we moved in one of my children decided that locking the small door was a good idea while the big door was down. The problem was I didn't yet have the remote to the garage door opener. So, the car and all the contents of the garage were locked inside. The cool thing was I got to break the door open using my fantastic "Charlie's Angels" kick~ HIIII~YA!!!. The not so cool thing is I have yet to fix the damn door so it bangs when it's breezy outside. That is SO going on the list of things to do this weekend.
Also, I remember now why I don't usually go to bed before 11. When I get to sleep too early I find that I am a lighter sleeper than if I go later. Therefore I wake up during the middle of the night at noises like the garage door, that is clear across the house, banging. Then I start thinking I should check it out or whatever and get up and end up checking e-mail or Tribe or now, blogging. I do see this return to my usual waking pattern as a return to health. Still, I am up when I should be down. Awake when I should be having sweet dreams of...I'll keep those to myself, thank you very much.
I was informed this evening that most people tend to work during the day. This is an unfortunate turn of events when I want to talk to one of my best friends (who is a film editor) who ends up having to make meetings with these dayworker types at night so that he can work. hmph! I have important things to ask him! Like what page is he on in the book we are reading together! And is such and such a movie worth paying to see! And what is his mom cooking for Thanksgiving this year! (Speaking of Unfortunate Events and film editors I'm sooooo getting stoked to see the Lemony Snicket movie.) Alright, so maybe I'll just call him now. He's prolly (translation: probably) still awake since he has the foresight not to go to bed so early that he doesn't sleep well. Something I could have used advice on when he was in a meeting.
Thus concludes my rant.

My poor monkey is sick.