Society of fear

I've been thinking a lot lately about how we are so consumed by fear in this country. It seems every headline plays on our fears and there is no escaping it. My thought is that it appears that the only way to avoid being afraid and buying into the control of fear is to be a bit skeptical of most everything you read and investigate further on news items etc. that make you feel a bit nervous.
I won't be afraid of all the negative. Life is far to short to focus on anything but the good stuff and how much is out there to experience despite whatever the risk might be.


-yes, this is another ramble.

I love Halloween.

I really love Halloween. It's really my favorite holiday of the year. I enjoy Thanksgiving and Christmas, but for me Halloween is still unmarred by commericials and commercialism. I still enjoy the simple purchase and transformation of a pumpkin, eating the seeds for days after, and the joy of trying to figure out what to be. I just love it.

OUCH!!! My head! But this is goood medicine...

Really quickly I want to post two things that almost have made the pain of my sinus infection go away (almost):

The other 51% of the population that were apparently complete MORONS when voting are changing their minds about the bonehead some people refer to as “President.”

Staged...like we didn't know he couldn't have a normal conversation without some sort of help.

O.K. and this makes it three:

heeheeheee

I'm cleaning up the cyber-poo

After much analysis, thought and umpteen virus, spyware, everything-under-the-friggin’-sun-that-could-compromise-the-data-on-my-computer scan, and even a few tears of frustration I’ve determined one thing about my bank account being robbed. There isn’t a fucking thing I could have done to keep it from happening or anything I can currently do in order to make the process of getting my money back any faster. Nothing. I’m usually one to take the responsibility for catastrophes and assume that somehow I screwed up and that things are my fault. Not this one. There was nothing I could have done differently.

I realize this, but “those people” at the bank just don’t seem to realize that this isn’t something I did to inconvenience them. They act as if I was the one to take the money directly out of their own pockets. It’s almost an insinuation that this is something I wanted to happen and was just walking up to seedy individuals handing my account PINs and passwords out on a business card along with my SSN. It's crazy. "Well, Ma'am if YOU wouldn't have compromised YOUR information..." I realize I’m not the most computer savvy person out there, but at the same time there are a lot of people out there with a lot less knowledge than I have using the internet that aren’t being robbed. I know that there are risks and that I have to protect myself and I do everything from every “Protect Yourself from Identity Fraud” list I’ve seen. Their attitude of me being guilty until I can be proved innocent has made me somewhat obsessed to prove, if not to them but to myself, that I’m not crazy and did everything I could to protect my info. To prove to myself that it was THEIR system that failed and not some careless behavior of my own. I hate that. I hate that this makes me feel like I’m back on the defensive. I hate that somehow inside me I’ve allowed their negativism to make me feel like I somehow am at fault. I’m not. I didn’t want to be robbed and I didn’t put myself out there any more than any other person who has a bank account does.

Needless to say this is all rather disconcerting. It’s not just the missing money that has really disturbed me. It’s much more than that. It’s brought about the realization that I don’t trust myself financially. Despite all my work over the last couple of years to be confident in taking care of finances it doesn’t take much to make me cower. The bad thing is when it comes to your own money who should you trust more than yourself? No one! I should trust myself more than anyone to deal with MY money and the decisions I make financially, the decisions about where I keep my money, and how I choose to bank (in person, by telephone or on the web.) So, I have some confidence building to do with regard to my finances. I don’t know how. I don’t know where to start. I thought I was further along on the path than I am, but at least now I know. There are some cracks, but I will figure it out and gain back the confidence and hopefully there won’t be more tests to my trusting myself and my finances.

P.S. this could lead to a whole other blog entry about how hard it is to heal and mend behaviors that are reinforced with abuse, but I think I did that one briefly and don’t really want to beat the dead horse, but sort of do…

Look what a pretty table. I'm perfeshunal. 

I made pretty food.

Seeeee!! Look how pretty I made the food. The flowers weren't as tasty as I was hoping, but over all they weren't that bad.

I have sand in my underwear.

There are days where life is so unpredictable that it blows you out of the water. You land on the beach and just think, “What the fuck?” because somehow that is the only sentence your brain seems to be able to process. Today was that day.

I walked to work today. My bike ride has become too short. Not that the distance has changed, but my ability has changed. I need a longer amount of time to work my cardio and my muscles so rather than try and ride around the neighborhood a bit I’ve opted to walk at least once a week. The thing about walking is that somehow as my legs move one in front of the other my brain processes. It takes in the surrounding of birds, trees, traffic, the height of the sun and the temperature of the air. Perhaps it’s needless to say this, but I’m going to anyway. The walk is exactly what I need to be invigorated for work and writing. By the time I got to work this morning I had a good idea of writing down all these thoughts. I did an outline and then got busy with the workday.

Two-thirty p.m. Finally time for lunch. I was starving, but needed cash for both food AND for laundry so my first stop was the bank. I went up to a teller, gave her my info and….

“I’m sorry, but you are overdrawn.”

#1- WTF?!!! I just got paid. “How could that be?” I asked and the woman turned her screen toward me. There was a major…o.k. when I say major here I’m not trying to create drama. I actually mean MAJOR as in THOUSANDS!!!…withdrawal not of my making. #2- WTF!!??? I asked how that could be? That wasn’t a transaction I initiated and it’s completely against how I handle my account. Why wasn’t I called? How could this happen? Where is my money? Who took it? #3- WTF? #4- WTF? SHIT!!!! How do I resolve this?

“Ma’am, you can call our customer service to handle this issue. There is a phone over in the hallway.”

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I want a PERSON to explain this to me. A PERSON!!!!

“There are people to explain on the phone. Over in the hallway.” Yeah, thanks Betty I’m a WASP w/ a Japanese last name Tanaka. (yes, I’m naming crappy customer service reps names here.)

So, over to the hallway I go. The phone. The black phone of “customer service” place on a faux marble counter. I call *whatevertheextensionis and get a person. Of course I need to be transferred. NOOOOOOOOOO!!! THIS IS MY MONEY!!! I WANT A PERSON!!!

“Blahblahblahblahblah…3-10 business days. Blahblahblahblah…do you want someone to contact you about what we find?” says “Maggie.” I don’t even think she was real, but more like an automaton they gave a “eeeeeeeeee” name to. Mageeeeee. Mageeeeee. Gah.

#5 WHAT THE FUCK!!! YES, I DO WANT SOMEONE TO CONTACT ME. A REAL PERSON PREFERABLY

I hang up the black plastic customer service phone/Mageeeee and walk back to my office. My legs not invigorating my brain into though or resolution. It’s a chant of wtf? wtf? wtf? wtf? I get to work and customer service calls. “You have to fill out some paperwork at the branch and set up a new account.” Legs moving to the rhythm of wtf? going back to the bank.

“Hi. I’ve been robbed. Here is the fraud number.” Minutes. Phone calls. Stuff. Kind banker boy who has only worked at the bank 5 months and can at least pretend to care. No money. No money.

I have 3 to 10 business days before they resolve this. 3-10 business days. Three to ten…. That’s a long time. In the meantime I get to call the police, the FTC, the crime units at the police, the credit reporting agencies, anyone I have auto-withdrawals or auto-deposits with, the bank, the bank, the bank. #2000- WTF!!??

I needed this

Sitting on a deserted cold beach watching the waves come into shore and wash the sand leaving a print that fades is one of the most cleansing activities that I can think of. It doesn’t just relax me. It goes deeper. Much deeper into my being not only washing the sand clean, but washing all the residue frustrations and torments in life leave behind. There are few other places or things that can do this for me. Late last week I discovered one.

Sophie & Ives- Untie Me

There are a handful of albums that I can go to when I’m frustrated with the weight of the everyday world. This one is the newest of them. For me it washes over like a salty wave shifting and moving the things that are worrisome out of the way and leaving behind a clean slate. It leaves a purity that remembers what it is to love simply, enjoy simply and hardest of all be calm and quiet. I’m not very good at those. This reminds me that I am capable of that state.

Geoffrey's shark project. 

SHARKS!!

I love my children. I'm really proud of the work they do. Check out Geoffrey's diarama of a Great White Shark. It was fun to work on together and he really put a lot of hard work into it.

Who took the fun out of FUNdraiser?

I know I touched on this subject before, BUT...

Really it needs re-addressing. I love my kids. Most of my life is spent making sure that they have the things they need, that they learn things that are (in my opinion) important, and trying to make sure that I create an environment for them that is healthy. This isn't about how much I love them. It's about stopping with the stupid $@%$^ fund-raisers already!!!! WTF? Right now we have the following going:

~ Entertainment books
~ Sally Foster gift wrap and other miscellaneous crap
~ begging my friends/family/business associates to donate items of worth to be auctioned off at a silent auction
~ selling tickets for said silent auction
~ a school carnival (lowest "ticket package" is $10 PER child!!)

Then to top it off I'm being constantly bombarded with requests to volunteer. I have to say no to a lot of the things because they are during working hours and I can't always take time off. So, when I was presented with the opportunity to volunteer at the Carnival I filled out the form and sent it in. I heard nothing back. And nothing back. And still nothing back. Tonight at 9:00 p.m. I got a call asking me to work a booth for TWO HOURS for THIS, yes THIS, Saturday! Hello! After not hearing for a good 10 days I figured they didn't need me. wtf? Do the people who are making the decisions about timing these types of things communicate or are they modeling their communication on that of the feds? Who are these people that don't have lives and can fulfill all the fund-raising obligations that they are burdened with? They obviously don't sleep because after I work all day, cook dinner, clean up a bit, make sure the kids have all their homework completed and make it to bed by 9, and then often work a little more I'm DONE. I don't have more time, energy or inclination to work a second job. And asking people to buy crap they don't particularly want is work, and work that I'm not particularly fond of or good at doing.
We currently have FIVE fund-raisers for the school going on at once. This doesn't count the bike-a-thon they are doing just before the carnival. Why so many at once? Are they cramming it all in so we won't have more later? Yeah, don't kid yourselves, my friends. I'm sure I'll have more going on even over Christmas break.
Now let me ask you, if you knew this is what being a parent of an elementary school aged child was about wouldn't you just want to pull out your checkbook, pass along a bit check to the school and be done with all of it? FUCK! Don't even get me started on WHY all this fund-raising is even necessary (Thanks feds for spending billions elsewhere.)
(By the way, all of those that have helped by buying an entertainment book, gift wrap or other paraphenalia from S.F., donated some cool item to be auctioned, plan on going to the auction, or have helped in any way to my children's school getting $$ for things that the gov't should be providing THANK YOU 1000 times over!! I do appreciate it.)

Brussel Sprouts

What strange little vegetables they are. Somewhere between broccoli and cabbage, but really not like either one at all. I like them. They are quite tasty.

(yeah, I just needed to delve into something not so angry. I'm trying)

Sacrificial Brown. Just say NO!!

Oh for fuck’s sake! Does anyone really believe that Michael Brown resigning makes a damn bit of difference? Does this head taking the fall for Bush make it alright that our country is not ready for a disaster even after we’ve given up our Rights in the name of national security? Sorry, but I’m not buying this anymore than I bought Bush’s plea for us to go to war and fight terrorism. My children and loved ones are not safer. We aren’t. Look at NOLA & the rest of the Gulf Coast and tell me that Bush and his government are ready to respond to another grand scale terrorist attack and I’ll laugh in your face. This country is not prepared despite all the money and fear that the Bush administration has spent in the last 4 years. And yes, I’m pointing the finger of blame at more than Michael Brown.

So, I’ll shout this from a bullhorn the second I see even one of the Bushites~

“FUCK YOU Mr. Cheney, Mr. Bush, Ms. Rice, et al!!! Fuck you until you are down on your knees in the muck and grime of what is left of our country and begging to the corpses that you’ve created, both here and abroad, for forgiveness! Don’t you think that a simple resignation is going to cut it. I don’t accept this sacrifice and neither should the American people.”

*And by the by, I know you are watching me big “Patriot brother.” You just keep watching because the VOTE and the American people are watching you right back. Grab some Orwell and tell me what you think.

Oh reeeeally?

By all recent accounts that I've read the funding was cut from the Army Corps of Engineers to help maintain and repair the levee system that was protecting the citizens of New Orleans. Stories following the devastation and destruction show that the local, state, and federal agencies were not prepared for a catastrophic storm with the magnitude of Katrina. (do I really need to post even one link for proof of this?) O.K. so my point? Well, my point is exactly what the fuck did they waste the paper for this proclamation for if they weren't going to back it up? Fuck you, Mr. Bush for all your lies and false promises. Do us all a favor and resign before this nation is shamed even further by your blundering bullshit.

almost numb...almost

As I watch the news, read accounts of victims and read the blogs of people who are following the tragedy that the South is going through right now I continue to be stunned. I’m stunned at the denial of knowledge the federal government continues to claim. I’m stunned at the accounts there are still people dying today because they haven’t been rescued almost a week after the hurricane. I, like the rest of the country, am asking the question “Why?” and probably like the majority of those asking that question there nothing but spin for an answer. I want to yell that it’s too late for an excuse or an apology. But they wouldn’t hear just like they don’t hear the cries of the thousands still abandoned in New Orleans.

I still contend that this isn’t the Tsunami, Iraq, like a third world country. It’s not. And because it’s not the enormity of this tragedy shouldn’t have happened. There were warnings. There were studies and reports that went to both FEMA and Homeland Security. And for fucksake, there was money and an infrustructure to get people out. Again, the question of “why?” goes unanswered.

I feel numb. Numb from the anger, the hurt, and the extreme feeling of helplessness. I want answers even though at this point it’s too late for maybe thousands for answers. How can I feel numb and angry and pained over this all at the same time?

I’m rambling. I know I am. I don’t know what else to do. Give money. Alright. Done. Now what? Now what, Mr. Bush? Shall I play golf or go out and raise some money for more partisan politics? Shall I send out a search team for Dick Cheney because I haven't seen or heard fuckall from that bastard on this situation and he's the fucking Vice President? So, tell me what should I do? There is nothing I can do right now, but I guarantee that when I’m no longer completely numb and full of disbelief my anger will be rage.

One last question for Mr. Bush and all of his cronies (not that the morons will even understand it)~ Who is John Galt?

A Tragedy All It's Own

I have been, as most people have, the tragedy and destruction that Hurricane Katrina left in its wake. Entire towns have been demolished and so many American’s lives have been turned upside down. It’s tragic and it hits so close to home. I have been to many of the places that are now under water or damaged from the storm. It’s strange to see bridges and roads that I’ve been on in such a mess. I think of how beautiful a city Mobile is and how much different it’s going to be after all the water subsides. All I can do is watch and process and hope that the areas hit can recover.
Aside from my hoping that these areas can recover I am amazed at the way the people in charge are reacting and the thoughtless words they are using to describe the scene. Through my shock, I’ve been watching and listening to the words that people are using to describe the situation and it blows me away. The comparisons that people are making disturb me and baffle me that they can be serious. It’s going to take me a while to really choose my words for this post because I do feel the tragedy of this and don’t want to discount it, but at the same time I also see the hypocrisy of the words that are being used to describe this event. I don’t know what to do other than sort out the quotes and write what comes to mind immediately.
“It’s like downtown Baghdad.” Alright. Yes, there is devastation on a catastrophic scale. There is no dispute about that. However, the deaths in Iraq are in the tens of thousands and they are all man made. There are not currently bullets and bombs flying about murdering people on the destroyed streets of Biloxi. And while there are the dead they are not the parts and pieces that regularly litter the streets of Baghdad. They are different. Not the same at all and in no way does it resemble something on THIS scale. There is no constant threat of death looming over the people in New Orleans or Biloxi right now. There are evacuation efforts to get people out safely in Louisiana and Mississippi. Where do the people in Iraq go for safety?
“This is our tsunami.” O.K. While yes, they are both natural disasters it’s insulting to compare the loss of 200,000+ people to a death toll of less than 150. It’s also comparing a situation where NO ONE had warning to a situation where there were days of warning and evacuation efforts prior to the catastrophe. I’m sorry, but there is no amount of property worth comparing to the loss of so many innocent lives. Its absurdist and reactionary to even try to make the comparison and it bothers me that someone has even thought to do so.
“It’s like being in a 3rd world country.” What the fuck? No, it’s like being in a 1st world country that has undergone a major natural disaster. In time the people will either move or rebuild and the cities that were affected will return. Yes, it will take a lot of time and historic places that were destroyed can’t be recovered, but the cities will rebuild. I ask this, where will the 3rd world countries be in that same amount of time? How much could be done in actual 3rd world countries with the billions of dollars that is being estimated to cover the damage Katrina did? Will the people in Mississippi still be worried about simple diseases killing their families in a few years? Will they have to worry about starvation now or in the future? No, they won’t. So, no it’s not at all like being in a 3rd world country where there isn’t anything to rebuild, where human rights are oppressed, and the chance of living past 50 is almost zero because of either disease or famine. What it is? It’s living in the United States and having an opportunity to rebuild and being able to envision a future.
My thoughts and wishes go out for the people in the wake of Katrina. They also go out to all those who live in conditions everyday of their lives worse than what most of the evacuees are dealing with. It’s not a comparison. They are different and both unbelievably and remarkably tragic.

But Pat Robertson said it's o.k....

Pat Robertson, one of the loudest and most obnoxious voices of the religious, right has now declared that he’s in support of assassinating the Venezuelan president. Yes, that’s right KILLING someone is his Christian answer to someone he sees as a threat. His claim is that Hugo Chavez is a threat by bringing communism AND Islamic extremism to our Southern border. Can someone please pull out a map and perhaps a Political Science 101 book out for Mr. Robertson?

Now to be honest and fair I haven’t been keeping up with the situation in Venezuela. The basics I do know are that we get a lot of petroleum from them (it’s their main export to the U.S.) and that President Chavez has political ties with Fidel Castro. Even so I’m having a hard time understanding how political ties equate to over throwing the current government system and raging up through central America to infest the U.S. with his political ideology. I recall that our government has ties with both Islamic AND communist states, but so far Mr. Robertson hasn’t insinuated that our president be offed because of them. I’m also having a not hard but impossible time understanding how someone who is hell bent on a political state like communism would also be open to something so much to the political opposite as Islamic extremism. If anything Pat Robertson’s Christian extremism is more to the same pole as Islamic extremism than either a Federal Republic (the current system in Venezuela) OR communism. Can anyone clarify this contradiction in his reasoning for me? Also, can someone explain how killing the President of a country that we have major oil imports from AND a lot of Americans travelling there as tourist is going to beneficial in anyway?

It’s my belief that Pat Robertson’s extremist Christian ideals (that apparently allow for murdering someone) and ignorance on basic political theory and geography qualify him to shut the fuck up. I’m tired of the media giving such morons with absurd and extremist “us vs. them” ideas sensationalist attention and perpetuating the hatred and fear that this administration is using to support it’s agenda. Yeah, yeah, yeah…I know I answered my own questions. Bastards…

Meme-ories

I'm slow and this was a hard one. Abby sent me a link to her meme and now I've done my own. WooT! Thanks Abby!

1. Where I was ten years ago~
I was married to Kevin (my now ex-husband) and living in Hephzibah, GA (a small suburb of Augusta) and about 8 ½ months pregnant with my first child, Geoffrey. I wasn’t working so spent my days doing a lot of nothing and hanging out with my two dogs.

2. Where I was five years ago~
I was living in Stone Mountain, GA with Kevin, Geoffrey and Bronte. I worked for TruGreen LandCare. I think I was training for the Avon Breast Cancer 3Day walk. It seems like much longer than 5 years ago. It was another lifetime.

3. Where I was one year ago~
I had just moved to Colorado Springs with Geoffrey and Bronte and was working at Red Noland Infiniti selling cars. I was really trying to find a niche in C/S where I fit, but it just never gelled.

4. Where I was yesterday~
I was at the Dr. with Bronte getting her chin stitched up after she fell on the playground at school. Poor poppette. She’s fine though.

5. Where I am today~
At work. Sort of working. I rode my bike in. This evening I’m going with my friend Anita for a pedicure. Yay!!

6. Where I will be tomorrow~
We are going for crepes in the morning at work and then I’ll be in my office tomorrow afternoon. I have nothing planned in the evening.

• 7. Five snacks I enjoy
  · Barbara’s Bakery Cheese Puffs
  · Braeburn apples with Nutella
  · Pitted fruit (apricots, nectarines, peaches, plums)
  · Luna bars
  · Rice Krispy treats
  
• 8. Five singers (or bands) for whom I know the lyrics to most of their songs:
  Only five? Hmmm…
  · Jack Johnson
  · Bob Marley
  · Nirvana
  · Foo Fighters
  · Incubus
  
• 9. Five things I would do with $100,000,000
  This is a lot of money. I usually dream with lesser amounts based on a tax free lump sum, but here it goes.
  · Pay off all my debt
  · Pay off my friends AND my mom & dad’s debt up to $100K. However, they’d all have to do some task that I assign based on personality as follows.
  o Dan- he’d have to submit a spankin’ new resume and prove he submitted it to at least 10 different places. Once he’d secured a new job he’d have to shave his head AND he’d have to wear a Utilitikilt (I’d provide several) around for a month.
  o Abby- I want her to cook for me, but she makes some crazy stuff so I might have to pre-approve the menu. Also, she’d have to sing for Geoffrey & Bronte’s school one time.
  o Frisbee girl- she would have to go one week without biting her tongue. Everytime she wanted to say something back to anyone she’d have to and she’d have to let me video tape the entire week.
  o Scissors- he would have to take two weeks off work and go on vacation with me. No exceptions and NO WORK!!
  o Mynxy- She would let me pick out her clothes for a week. She’s such a doll that she should have to play dress up with me. Yay!! And at the end of the week we would have a PJ party w/ the whole crew.
  o Pecan- he would have to answer me honestly and upfront for the rest of his life. No more beating around the bush or flat out not answering direct questions. And he’d have to throw away his Crocs.
  o Steph- She would have to promise to get a babysitter and get out of the house for at least 8 hours a week. It could be broken up however she wanted, but 8 hours would be the minimum “Steph time.”
  o Mom- she’d have to promise to never send me another forwarded cutsie e-mail ever, ever, ever again.
  o Dad- he’d have to make me a whole lot of furniture (I’d buy the wood)
  · purchase a house in South Africa, a loft on Portrero Hill, and a loft in Denver
  · invest, invest, invest
  · get my teaching certificate and teach middle school. Yes, I’m insane.
  

10. Five locations I would like to run away to:
South Africa, the hot springs in Iceland, Zanzibar, Mexico, Stockholm

• 11. Five bad habits I have:
  · leaving my shoes all over the house wherever I happen to take them off
  · not letting go of people/situations when I know I should. I obsess.
  · messing w/ my zits. I know I should leave them alone, but they bug the hell out of me. I can’t help it. Why won’t they go away?!
  · checking my phone for text or voice messages…ALL the TIME. It’s more of a nervous habit than a bad habit, but I suppose it might annoy other people.
  · my net addiction. I admit I’m addicted. Deal.
  
• 12. Five things I like doing
  · tribing
  · hanging out with my kids doing things like bike riding and watching them skateboard, roller blade
  · cooking a big meal
  · reading
  · eating
  
• 13. Five TV shows I like
  · Miami Tattoo
  · Myth Busters
  · The Andy Milonakis show
  · Overhaulin’
  · Sex in the City on DVD
  

14. Five famous people I’d like to meet:
I can’t pick any. I’ve been trying. Here’s why. The people I really admire that are famous I wouldn’t want to meet because I want to keep admiring them and it might ruin the ideal of who they are. The other famous people I can think of don’t really interest me enough to make me want to spend time with them.

• 15. My biggest joys
  · my children
  · spending time with the people I love deeply
  · my sweet Max and all his clowny boxer antics
  · riding around in my Yeep with the top down
  · gardening, even though I haven’t had much opportunity over the last year. I love planting things and then taking care of them so they grow and make my surroundings beautiful.
  
  

Pick one!

This morning I received a call from the Denver Public School that my children will be attending this year. It seems that I made a mistake when filling out their registration paperwork. The mistake? I apparently had the audacity to list them as more than one ethnicity in the absence of an “other” category, so could I please choose just one. So, how exactly am I supposed to respond to this? I have instilled in my children that they are a variety of ethnicities and they should be proud of them all, so how can I, in good conscious, pick only one? I’m fairly angry that I’m having to make this decision in the year 2005. Why is this even still an issue? How is it that the city of Denver still finds it necessary to categorize people into ONE ethnicity? I don’t know, but I’m going to find out. And then I’m going to push until the form is changed. A form that is supposed to report ethnic statistics that doesn’t have more than 4 distinct categories is hardly accurate and as far as I can see fairly discriminatory. Funny how this was never a problem when I lived in the South.
To be continued…

Overwhelmed

Right now things are good. Very good. But somehow it's all overwhelming somehow. I have a new job that I think I'm going to like a lot. Granted it's going to be a lot of stuff I've done before, but since the company is so new a lot of the process and procedure stuff I'll own. It will be mine. That's awesome, but at the same time there is the newness of it that makes it a lot.
The children are in a Day Camp that they enjoy and I think for the most part takes good care of them. The problem is that it's a LOT out of the way that I'm at my new job. 15-20 mins there and then the same back. Twice a day. In order to get to work on time I have to leave the house at 7 a.m. Yeah, this is only four weeks, but it feels like that will be a very long time.
It's just adjusting. Once the kids start school we'll be able to get into a more comfortable routine and it will be fine. I know it will. I just have to be patience with myself, the schedule and time. Something I'm really not good at.
Even so, what a problem. Kids that are happy and a good job that actually pays me well and has good benefits. I am a lucky girl. Now I just need to get my ass to bed so that I can be rested enough to enjoy it all.