sitting in the dark

Ain’t technology grand. We had a big thunderstorm a little bit ago and lost all power. Yet, here I am writing a blog. It’s kind of fun to be in my 1886 house using only candles to see by. I suspect this is how it felt back when the first owners of the house lived in it. Although, I suspect they had a few more light sources that didn’t require electricity in the house than what we have. I need to go buy more candles.

On another note, my legs are sore. Geoffrey and I got up and were at the skatepark by 7:15 and didn’t leave until sometime after 11. All the practice I’m getting in is really helping though. I actually am getting the idea of how to do turns in the bowls. Fun times.

Smile Maker!

I have a little challenge for all of you that read this. Here is the challenge and from where it stems.

Today I went for a little walk. When I was done I stopped in at Whole Foods to get some raspberries. The man behind me in line placed a chocolate bar down and only a chocolate bar. So, when it was my turn to check out I paid for his chocolate bar. I told him that everyone deserved a little free chocolate now and then and I hoped he had a fantastic day. I love to do this now and then because it makes my day to make someone elses.

So, the challenge- In the next couple of days treat a total stranger and report their reaction here. You can either be discrete about having paid for it or tell them that you’ve paid for it but either way do it. It doesn’t have to be expense (the chocolate was less than a dollar.) It’s really a lot of fun to treat someone that might take the inspiration and pass it along.

A poem for the "President."

Percy Shelley wrote this along time ago, but I think it's appropriate today. I would like to dedicate it to Mr. Bush.

OZYMANDIAS of EGYPT

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said:—Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert.
Near them on the sand,
Half sunk, a shatter'd visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamp'd on these lifeless things,
The hand that mock'd them and the heart that fed.
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains: round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

I feel too icky to blog...

I was trying to work on a blog post about the fantastic time I had at the Bloc Party show on Monday, but the week’s chaos had gotten to me and I haven’t been able to really find good words for it. It’s been hard. A very hard week. I don’t want to whine about how hard it’s been so I haven’t posted anything. Here’s a quick synopsis of my immediate thoughts.

My ex-husband is a selfish bastard that doesn’t really consider his children in his life plans. Therefore instead of having a nice visit at Christmas they will get 4 days with him. I wish he would have some sort of epiphany of some sort, but I'd probably win the lottery before that would happen.
It sucks to feel distanced from a friend. It really just sucks.
It’s awesome when you can reconnect with an old friend. I got to do that this week and I am happy she wrote me back.
I love my dog and hope he lives a very long time. It will devastate me when he goes.
Work isn’t worth what I put into it emotionally. I need to disconnect the pride in my work with the bullshit I put up with. I work very hard and am not accepting excuses for not paying me for it.
Tea is good.
There is no way in hell I’m giving that jerk money for childcare when his girlfriend (who wants MY children to call her mom) is taking care of them. If you want to be called “Mom” you don’t get babysitting money.
I am very lucky to have the boyfriend I have. While I never would have thought initially that we would be so compatible I cannot imagine all the fun and happiness I would have missed out on without him.
I cannot wait to get my new skateboard together and go for a ride at the skate park. I haven’t had a short board in such a long time. I cannot WAIT!! I cannot WAIT!! I am going on the horseshoe!! WooT!
I don’t like being taken for granted.
I wish I didn’t feel like I’m about to throw up. Migraines suck.

100 Smoooochie facts

Go ahead. Count them. There are 100.

I took this idea from Mynxy.
I didn’t start out being allergic to cats. I had one until I was 6.
The smell of milk disgusts me.
The first time I ever had Chinese food was in Yucaipa, CA
My first skateboard was handmade. It was purple with a spider on it.
I love eating berries.
I believe in power underwear.
I like room temperature water.
I nearly died of asphyxiation when I was 14.
My last tattoo hurt worse than I expected by a LOT.
I’ve never cared for the Sex Pistols.
I enjoy how it feels to have my legs waxed.
Orange juice without pulp is as wrong as chocolate bagels.
As a rule I don’t like other people’s children. I love mine more than anything.
If I am home alone I prefer to sleep w/ a nightlight.
Trivial Pursuit is my favorite board game.
I hate to play cards.
I don’t get enough sleep.
I don’t let relationships go easily.
I’m not fond of wearing clothes.
I believe in God.
I’m a particular eater. I like good food done simply.
I dream of owning a spa.
I love to dance. Once I get started I don’t like to stop.
I love to give presents.
I’m very selfish.
I want what I want.
Everything about eggs is disgusting. Even the way the word sounds.
I don’t like making exceptions.
I love to kiss for hours.
I love the way YlangYlang smells.
I’m super sensitive to scent. It’s important to smell good.
I love to wear skirts.
I believe that patience is only a virtue to people who think they will live forever.
I try not to have regrets, but I still do.
Coca cola is good room temperature.
I once had the police called on me for spraying the neighbor’s dog w/ the hose.
I am hard on my tailbone.
I used to walk a LOT.
I had never taken care of a baby until I had one.
I don’t like going out on my birthday.
I think bald is sexy.
I think skinny is so NOT sexy.
I can fold a load of towels in less than 5 minutes.
I like my CD’s alphabetized and in date order.
I like my books kept the same way w/ fiction and non-fiction separately filed.
I believe in road maps to achieving my goals.
I want to try burlesque.
I would never take a job where I was required to wear pantyhose.
Cinnamon gum is my favorite flavor of gum.
I have a very low tolerance for blatant stupidity. If you don’t know something, make an attempt to find out. If you just don’t know and don’t care that you don’t know do not interfere with my space because I have no problem letting you know that you are an idiot.
I refuse to shop at Wal-Mart or Sam’s Club.
I don’t like to be cold. It hurts.
I look horrible in all pastels except for pink.
I love my skateboard and like my snowboard a lot.
I’m pretty good at algebra.
I love creating spreadsheets.
I like my feet to look good.
I love my friends fiercely.
I like tea a lot. Hot, cold, room temp it really doesn’t matter much.
I’m in love.
I like to play.
I really don’t like minivans.
I can be a snob about certain things.
When I was 6 I told my grandmother that I only wanted brown children. I got them.
Civil disobedience is sometimes a requirement.
I love bats. They are so cute and fascinating.
I think Gwen Stefani is a fun person even though I’ve never met her.
I know how to use power tools.
I love to have my photo taken.
Country music nauseates me.
I still buy into love songs.
When I was young I wanted to be a star. The kind in space. Not in Hollywood.
Cotton candy is the best food ever invented.
I can’t imagine owning any dog but a boxer. I do think Boston Terriers are cute, though.
I have two fake teeth because I was born without permanent ones.
I love a bargain, but only if it’s something I really will use.
I know a lot about finances, but don’t always use the knowledge well.
I’m allergic to eggplant.
I love political science and history. They are fun!
I lived in the same house until I was 24 years old.
I didn’t meet my father until I was 27 years old.
I have a lot of scars.
I realize that police officers are necessary, but I don’t like them very much.
I have no interest in visiting Hawaii really. There are too many other places that intrigue me.
I fight fires and clear up bullshit for a living. Very little glory in that.
Ham and cheese sandwiches are super tasty, but they make me sick to my stomach.
I have 7 e-mail accounts.
I do not want a Blackberry EVER.
I am obsessive about wearing sunscreen if I go outside.
I have little patience with a lot of talk and no action. Put your money where your mouth is and take action!
I don’t like jasmine tea. It tastes like A&D ointment.
I excel at written and analytical exams.
I am very worried about the Constitution.
Even though I really enjoy most vegetables I could never be a vegetarian.
I love to celebrate Halloween.
I don’t like gin because it tastes like juniper.
I saw the Osmonds when I was 6.
I bruise easily.
It took me 2 weeks to come up with 100 things.

Soul Food & Sunshine Enemas

The house is being warmed by the comforting scent of “soul” food. Not the Southern traditional food that I completely love, but rather vegetable latkes and some fried zucchini and yellow squash. Food that is good for my soul and healing for a wounded ego. I guess it’s my ego that it wounded. Perhaps a better description is my work ethic that has been wounded. So, anyway, I’m making comfort food because I got my 6 month review at work today.

The good news is that my boss recognizes that I go above and beyond for the job and said that I do a great job at all the various roles I have at work. I am a trusted employee that makes the work place a better place to be and that my coworkers like me. That made me feel like despite a few bumps along a very hard path in developing the payroll and H.R. department my hard work was not in vain. The position has basically grown from me being a glorified receptionist to HR manager. The bad news is that I haven’t really brown-nosed enough to get a raise. Even when I do get a raise it won’t be as significant as other people where I work because my job is more secure than theirs (because no one else in the company knows how to do my job) so they get paid “hazard” pay for being in a more precarious position. Mind you he wouldn’t have a second thought of firing anyone if he thought they weren’t performing including yours truly. I was foolish enough to think that if I busted my ass day in and out, holidays, weekend and even on vacation I would get a raise. I was foolish enough to think that if I excelled at my job it would be enough. Well, it wasn’t so pull out the sunshine enemas! I’m going to bullet proof myself and bide my time with a smile. Then watch the bastards fall.

The house smells even better than when I started writing this. I might even treat myself to a beer! Comfort food rocks.

GOLDEN!!!

I've said on my blog a number of times that I have a hard relationship with money. I'm doing great personally, but then there is that mothering part of me that is like "Shoot! How do I teach them all this stuff?" I have the SOLUTION. They even have summer camps specifically for girls!! Woohoo!! I'm stoked.

a quick little rant

Until every parent of a child in public school signs a petition requesting that both Congress and the President agree to put as much into public education as they do into other people's wars I am not selling another goddamned piece of wrapping paper, candle, frozen pizza, coupon book or any other piece of crap fundraiser swag the school might think will generate a little revenue. And when they ask me to I am going to say no and suggest the following. Have an open house at every damned school in the nation and ask for signatures to petition the meatheads in Washington to actually have the balls and foresight put the education of American children at the top of the list. Thank you, I'm done with my rant.

Parking Nazi Logic

We had been in our new house for a couple of weeks and for whatever reason I ended up leaving the house a little bit after 8 a.m. one Thursday morning. I had a ticket because it was street sweeping day and I didn’t realize it. So, I had the ticket and forgot. Four days before it was due I remembered, wrote the check, and mailed the $20 fine to the City of Denver. No worries. It was postmarked before the due date.

Three weeks later I get another fine. This time it’s a late fee! What? A twenty dollar late fee for something I postmarked 4 days before the due date and which should have only taken a maximum of 48 hours to get to the right office? I called the City and they said that they didn’t get the check into their system until the 26th. That was 2 full days AFTER the due date so my payment was late. The woman wasn’t budging. FINE! I paid the $20. My simple $20 parking ticket had now turned into a $40 fine.

I just opened a collection notice on the $40 I already paid and that they actually show being paid on the notice! Now, just how is it that they can charge me $20 on $40 I’ve already paid????? And what recourse do I have with the City government that has now charged me $60 for a ticket that was initially only $20? They show that I paid the money right on the collection notice. They are just charging me for collection. How are they having to do anything to collect money they already collected? I’m so angry and confused. Fucking parking Nazi logic.

Ramblings about history and the present

Childhood memories are often the remnants of stories told by parents and grandparents of their youth. In many ways it’s the stories that we hear as children of their past that root us in our family and our sense of belonging. I know that the stories that I heard of my grandparents and great-grandparent still are important and relevant in my own life. They give me a perspective of where the world has been that help me compare it to where the world is now.

When my grandparents were in their early twenties the World War II was about to take place. The world had seen atrocity before, but was naïve to what was about to come. I think somehow being told by someone who experienced it rooted me in the idea that it was real and that all the images that I saw in books and on film were real. It was a perspective that rooted me in history. I knew it from first hand accounts.

Today as I watch the way the Mideast seems to be crumbling into chaos at the hands of the power hungry it scares me. It scares me a lot, because I know the history and I know how a simple event can tumble the whole world and all the tensions into massive war. I know that it was real, and I know that people really died. I know that what is happening in Iraq and now in Lebanon are real and that people are really dying and it not only saddens me but scares me. I do not want those kinds of stories to tell my grandchildren. I don’t want them to have to be rooted to whatever tragedy we are about to experience, but what history never gave me the lesson on how one person can stop it.

Scentses....

I’ve been putting off writing a blog post, and I’m not sure why. I keep thinking that I need to figure out a topic, but really that will come if I start writing. It always does and then I end up erasing the nonsense that I’ve written before and have a nice little post. Acually, I’ve been working on one post, but it’s taking a long time so I just need something in the mean time.

The sense of smell. I’ve been thinking about this topic for awhile now and trying to figure out what I want to write about it. You know, for me it’s just about as important as my sight. It’s a big part of my memory and my connection to people and places. It’s a big piece of recollection for me. If I see something and there is no particular smell associated then I only have my sight and maybe some sort of sound to connect me. But if there is a smell, something specific, it makes the memory go from being very flat to making it pop and become real again. I can remember the way my grandfather would smell after he showered and first opened the bathroom door. The steam from the shower would collect the scent of his shaving cream and deodorant and push through the house. It puts me there and I can remember him so much more vividly. There are so many people I remember this way~ by the way they smell as much as by their face or the sound of their voices. I don’t know if it’s this way for everyone, but I’m glad it’s this way for me. I like that a scent can invoke a memory and make it real again. I have some really enjoyable memories that are just that much better because of it.

See, just starting to write always ends up in a decent blog. Weird, but nice.

saying one thing a lot

It's hot. Really hot. I was never this hot when I lived in GA because they believe in A/C. It's really freakin' hot. Ridiculously hot. It was One Hundred and THREE today. 103!!! That is hot. Really just dangerously fucking hot. It's just hot. Damn. It's hot. I hope I remember how damned hot I am right now when it's like 10 degrees this winter, because it's just hot. Damn. It's hot.

Question of the Day...

Comments are not only welcome on this, but required.

Is it wrong to hoola hoop naked with a borrowed hoola hoop? What about if it's your own hoola hoop? Have you ever hoola hooped in the buff?

haha!! This whole idea makes me giggle.

The good, the bad, and the ugly

The Good news- Our national deficit is “only” $296 billion dollars which is about ½ what it was a couple years ago.

The Bad news- We were supposed to have a surplus in the trillions by the projects made before Bush took office.

The Good news- Gitmo detainees are getting their Geneva convention rights as prisoners of war.

The Bad news- The fact that we ever denied them the rights at all in our “war for democracy.”

The Ugly- 847 more days of the Bush Regime.

thinking aloud

What is it about loving and emotions in general that don’t go away as easily as saying “I don’t feel this way anymore?” Life would be much easier if it worked that way, but emotions are such sticky illogical things. It’s not about controlling the actions that the emotions might evoke. We can avoid someone, but that doesn’t mean loving them has gone away. I think even when we’ve moved on for whatever reason the emotion is fully capable of being there. It’s emotion void of action. I don’t think it requires action, because if we did then when someone we love dies we wouldn’t feel love for them anymore. Anyone who has had someone they truly love dies knows that this isn’t the case at all.
Maybe I’m rambling about something we’ve all analyzed. If that is the case then why are we conditioned to feel hurt when someone we love still has feelings for someone else? If we had looked at emotions logically wouldn’t we rationally say, “It’s normal that they still feel something” rather than have our own feelings hurt? Or why are we so surprised when we have feelings of love, hate or whatever for someone we haven’t been around in ages? I am not sure that we do analyze it carefully. We are socialized to think that emotions go away if we ignore them. I need to think more about why. What is the purpose of this idea that emotions just go away? Do they just go away for some people?

I can’t stop thinking. That’s as absurd as saying for me to stop having emotions.

Time as a commodity

“Nobody sees a flower - really - it is so small it takes time - we haven't time - and to see takes time, like to have a friend takes time.” -Georgia O’Keefe

In our everyday rushing lives time has become such a valuable commodity. We rush to and from work spending more and more time there. Work takes up a lot of those irreplaceable minutes. So many of the things we do are rushed. Microwave food, drive thru meals, 30 minute workouts, etc. We are obsessed with time and we’ve completely forgotten how to invest it as a commodity into something as important and rewarding as friendship. I read the other day that people have fewer close friends than they did even 20 years ago. Why?

It does take time to be a friend. Attention to the details that take time that cannot be replaced by anything. There really is no replacement other than taking the time with a person to become a friend. Perhaps this is the difference between a friend and an acquaintance. One of them is willing to take the time and know and remember the details, and the other simply either hasn’t had the opportunity or doesn’t want to. Isn’t it worth it though? I cannot think of a better resource in my life than my friends when I need support or love or listening to. I love that I can make my friends feel better or be there for them when they need me. It’s all about time and spending the time to be a friend, listen, learn and really examine the smallness and detail. It takes time.

It's not all about work. It just can't be.

place holder

I have a couple of really good blog posts at home, but well, I’m not at home. So, in lieu of something profound and interesting I’m going to post something I find amusing. On my work e-mail I have been getting a lot of spam and for whatever reason the program we use doesn’t have a very good filter. In fact I suspect the filter they have in place doesn’t even work just like the hyperlink button, “insert picture” and numbered list functions don’t work. ANYWAY… I get some funny spam. Most recently these are the “people” I have gotten spam from-

Kneeling C. Indignantly
Sudanese H. Tuneless
Takeoff A. Dispaired
Wrongheadedly A. Hosed
Freshet M. Dadaism
Maxflies T. Depravity

Personally my favorite is Wrongheadedly Hosed. O.K. That’s all. Thanks for reading my placemarker.

Happy Independence Day 

Independence Day thoughts

The celebration of Independence Day brings to mind parades, houses decorated with flags of all sizes, fireworks and barbeques. It is a day to remember the Founding Fathers of our great country and of all the men that followed in the beliefs that they risked life and limb to define and secure. These were all men that believed in the principles set forth in the Declaration of Independence and then later solidified in the Constitution of the United States. It’s easy to call them patriots.

The beauty of the country we live in is that the men and women that question the government when they believe it isn’t following the foundation set by the Founding Fathers is that we can also call them patriots. They are doing their duty as citizens to create an open society where debate is welcomed and even required. This Fourth of July I am reminded of one great patriot that did just this. Frederick Douglass is that man, and despite the issue he was speaking about being much different than the one we face today the words he spoke on that Independence Day so long ago still ring true.
“Go search where you will, roam through all the monarchies and despotisms of the Old World, travel through South America, search out every abuse and when you have found the last, lay your facts by the side of the everyday practices of this nation, and you will say with me that, for revolting barbarity and shameless hypocrisy, America reigns without a rival.” ~Frederick Douglass - July 4, 1852
On this Independence Day I am ashamed of the barbarity the Bush Administration has propelled our country into with its paranoid ideology that is full of lies and deceit. We are the hypocrites of the world when we say we are trying to spread democracy into countries like Iraq, Afghanistan, and throughout Central America. Yet in our very own country our phones, internet and bank records are secretly being watched by the government, when anyone who dares challenge the “thinking” of the current administration are called unpatriotic or worse “traitor”, and when women and mothers who have lost loved ones in this war of lies are ridiculed for publicly mourning and speaking out against what changed their lives forever. Yes, we are hypocrites and barbarians in our comfort and apathy for not holding our government true to the foundation that the very basis if this country was founded upon.
I love the principles that my country was founded upon. I admire the men and women who have risked and sometimes given everything to defend it- even the hard to swallow patriots that dissent. Thank you, Mr. Douglass, all these years later.

my garden

My fingernails are dirty. I have been working in one small bed of our garden. There is a gratification in knowing that I am doing the work and have a plan for each little section that our yard will eventually be divided into. I get much more satisfaction from this kind of domesticity than I do with knowing that my floors are sparkling or that all the laundry is done. It’s just a little work and a whole lot of stress relief.