Tuesday, January 04, 2005

casual

I’ve been presented with the idea of “casual” recently and I’m having such a hard time understanding what that entails. I don't think I know how to be casual. For me it means that you are sort of ambivalent about things. I don’t really keep things in my life that I’m ambivalent about. I think for me things can be casual like a casual dress, casual setting, a casual conversation. Although with the friends I have it’s rarely ever as laid back as it might appear to be. There is always this intensity in the conversation even when it’s joking that’s present. Even so, I don’t understand the concept of a casual relationship. I associate casual relationships as not very important. Why would I want to waste my time on a relationship (friend or romantic) that isn’t moving forward and building something solid for both parties? Otherwise it’s just an acquaintance and any time spent with that person will be just on chance. That’s casual I suppose, but it’s not something that really interests me.
Outside of hanging out with my friends, I'm usually so intense with everything I don't really know what that means. I am not a casual mother even though we don’t have a strict schedule. I’m not really casual at work either. I like to make things efficient so I have time for more. I don’t take myself that seriously, but I’m not ambivalent about who I am at all. I think all of the time and not usually casual thoughts, but things like “What the fuck is casual?” How does one stop this process and let things be casual? How can I learn to compartmentalize things that are bothering me so I can relax enough to be casual? Maybe I don’t fully understand what casual is in order to let myself be that way? Maybe it’s something I don’t want to be anyway, but I just don’t get it enough to really make that assessment.
What is casual? I feel like a casualty of casual.
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2 comments:

Smoooochie said...

:D..that is totally why we are such good friends. I can't imagine you being casual and blase about our friendship. You and I are opinionate and loud and WAHAHHAHHHAAAA!!! Stepping back from life...that would just make me insane. I love that you are in my face w/ a camera and laughing. I love that Frisbee, while thoughtful and precise about things, is right in my face with it, as well. I love when a man is just like "V!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and for the most part I love when my kids are zipping about being kids. All this intensity feels like being alive and why would anyone want to sit back and only casually observe that? I really want to understand casual. Just because I know people who are important to me that are that way, but it's hard. It's really hard.

7:02 PM
Smoooochie said...

Absolutely, I think that our intensity is probably not only what sort of was the magnet, but what keeps the bonds intact. Mynxy, while you appear to be casual there is such an intensity about you. I have never felt that you were indifferent to the things and people you choose to let into your life.
The idea that having a settled childhood vs. a transitory one is a great observation. Abby and I both were very settled in our childhoods, so maybe for us that is the correlation on needing intense relationships or something more than casual. I had the same set of friends clear into high school and while the intensity shifted from one to another the security of being in one place w/ the same people was always there. I just don't deal well with the vague in a relationship and it very well could be a reflection of my childhood. I'm off to read Mynxy's blog now.

2:12 PM

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