Yesterday I was finishing up listening to "The Art of Asking" by Amanda Palmer when I read that the paperback version came out. I very highly recommend reading it or listening to the audio version. Actually, I have to say the audio version is most excellent because you get some music and Amanda actually reads it herself. It's like hearing a friend tell you a story more than reading a book.

That book contextualizes my last year. In the book Amanda explores her ability to be vulnerable, the good, the bad and all of the in between. To feel. A little over a year ago, I was reprimanded for exactly that at work. I was told that I needed to get a grip on my feelings and be more "composed". I was under a lot of stress, and I was expressing in work appropriate ways my needs and I got criticism of the worst sort. So, I spent a year looking at how to maintain composure. What I found was that stress, a lot of stress like I was experiencing at the time, makes it very, very hard. Once that stress lifts, once you work through it, composure is fairly easy. Additionally, I found is that it isn't my composure or my inability to control my feelings at all. It was how it made the other person feel. I put the criticism in context of who delivered it, and have more or less moved on. 

I also found something else out that was very important. That having the ability to feel and be vulnerable is not a bad thing. Quite the opposite. It's what makes life worth getting up for. I appreciate the feedback regarding my composure while disagreeing with it. I do appreciate it because it led me to discover a lot about myself and brought me to thinking about how my vulnerability and ability to feel enhance my life and allows others to trust me. Really trust me.